Friday, August 12, 2011

The Things On My Heart Right Here and Right Now

I have a burning in my soul, or is it my heart? I just know that I have to get it out, some way some
how. So much is going on, so much is changing and well, I feel good, no I feel great! Better than Tony the Tiger Great

The funny thing is, when I think about it, the only thing that has physically changed is my outlook...yup the way I choose to see things. Not really about being half full, or half empty~moreso about me just believing that I can do all things and trusting in myself and knowing that I AM NOT PERFECT, BUT I AM PERFECTLY ME! It's kinda crazy how I happened upon this 31 reset challenge when I was kinda already on one. I had decided that I was gonna just release whatever I found in me to be toxic. I had decided that I was going to start to be the me that I wanted to be tomorrow, today. I had decided that enough was enough; yes, i was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And look what happened.

I forgave my granny and my brother. And while it really didn't bother me one way or another, that act of kindness allowed me to forgive myself and I am sure it opened up the passage for God to also forgive me cuz Lawd knows I am a sinner ~ and so are you, and you and yes, even you. : )

I am enjoying my walk of faith.. the more I trust myself, the more I put trust in God...yeah, I know it's kinda backwards, but I am sure God understands. I unfortunately cannot begin to trust anyone until I can trust myself again. I am enjoying being me again...just carefree and really living without regards of how he, she and even you may feel about me. I am seeing folks for who they are and well I am allowing them to be them, while I make the necessary adjustments that will allow them and me to simply be at the same time without any problems. ; )

(SN: not sure what's going on with my's kinda funky)

Here is something I wish I had said almost a year ago to a certain someone...and well our ships have sailed and though we pass each other often in the night, the feelings just don't feel the same so I will use this space to say what I couldn't and/or didn't say then:

From the moment I saw you, I was beyond intrigued. Not sure what it was or even what it could be. My body was calling for you, when it had been peacefully asleep. I watched your swag and had to laugh, it was clear you were used to getting whatever it was to be had. Even if I wanted to give and you wanted to get, I knew deep down we could never let ourselves go down that road... Lust, Love, Lies and feelings untold lead to frustration and confusion and possibly even some delusion.. i don't know. I just knew that when you took my calls, I smiled. I remember the 1st time you hugged me, I didn't freeze up in fear. I remember our public spat and how things were different...we didn't play so much on IM... more and more of my text went unanswered...and when i saw you i didn't get them butterflies or them goosebumps but i started feeling rather out of place like i was doing too i was chasing you when you should be chasing me...time doesn't stand still and there is no changing what's already in the Past...but I did want to say somewhere what I would have said if I wasn't so shy and timid. And it's simply this: I think you have the potential to be a great better half and would like to see if your better half was me (mama mac)

"i am not perfect, but I am perfectly me. There will be times when I will rub you the wrong way and even disappoint you, but know this, if I have dubbed you my cuzzo, my sistah, my brother and most importantly my friend, that I will stand beside you in your darkest hour, that I will pull you up as I rise, I will get behind you and push you when it is your turn to want to give up, I will stand and applaud you when you have achieved the impossible dream. Thank you for allowing me to simply be me "

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

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