Monday, May 7, 2012
Lol, so everything is changing, yet everything is staying the same. I guess this new layout is a bit more cleaner....i have heavier things to muse about so I will let the small stuff be just that ~ small.
I hate playing games, even when I am good at them. And right now it feels like I am in a game, one that I have played before. Different hand, same moves. I am confused because I know that this is probably the final test before the ultimate breakthrough. Do I sacrifice everything to save the Queen? Do I go down fighting and lose it all?
I loved him. I cannot deny it. It shows when his number appears in my caller i.d. It shows when he looks at me and smiles. It shows when he calls my name. It just shows which is why I don't play poker. I still have feelings for him or my heart wouldn't get that twinge of pain every times he mentions one of his follies names.
I don't know what I want from him. I don't know what I want for him. I don't know why we are back at this place in this space walking around the giant elephant. Too much has happened. Too much time has passed. They say time heals all wounds, but the truth of the matter is that love covers all and time just gives us the space to realize this.
I need to free him so he can let me be because when a person shows you who they are, you need to believe them. He has showed me that he will leave me in my darkest hour. What more is there to see? True people change, but only when they see fit to do so. Is he there....the million dollar question.
I know what I want. I also know what I need. He is a nice combination of both, so it seems. My heart calls out to him, followed by my body. My mind, yeah my mind is telling me to pull up the draw bridge and to blow up the Trojan Horse.
Why is it that we cannot walk away from the derailing train? Why do we have to go down with it? Even knowing days are numbered I still stick around hoping to turn the tables and to capture his Queen with my Knight. It's a shame that instead of offending I risk the chance of being subjected to serious pain in the very near future.
"Things are changing and have changed but some things remain the same because we protect it instead of sacrificing the little thing to save the thing that holds the most value."
~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)