I am ready for the beautiful transformation that typically happens after something has been under extreme pressure for an extended period of time...
(for those slower than most, think of the pearl...for you PIC)
I am worth more than pearls and diamonds, but how could anyone recognize my worth when I myself had forgotten it?
It's funny how we can get so lost inside of our own head that we put out our own fire.
I am tired of taking the short end of the stick. I am tired of self-destructing because I am too afraid to push pass my fear. I am tired of wanting love and only letting it get as close as my fingertips.
I am tired of people NOT worrying about me because I always get it done, make a way out of no way at all. I hurt and I cry (and not just when I am watching E.T.)
So CQP (Cool Quack P..lmbo) did not feel as though my letter to Safeway was open and unrestricted. He claims that it was limited in parts and not totally free. Now he really feena make me ask him to show me his degree cuz, I mean if that wasn't open, I don't know what is.. I mean did he want me to do a Dewayne and be like "Baby Baby please, baby baby please?" I mean what more can I say to the boy? HE KNOWS how I feel about him. I told him, I've showed him, and I really have nothing left to give. And plus, he's gone...his heart has left and I'm left replaying one of my favorite scenes from Baby Boy "He don't love me any more...take me away." (classic foolishness)
So my homework for next Thursday is: To identify all of the negative cycles I continue to perpetuate and break them. (yeah, I am not feeling this one either so I probably will write about why I should free my mind by going natural)
sidebar...is anyone else wondering how any of this mess is helping me help my child deal with his issues which by the way have been compounded now that I have taken in a boarder (a tale for another day)
I have resolved that each and every day I will cut myself some slack and not take myself or life that seriously. So today, January 1st, I will not get mad at myself for yet again failing to wash all of those dirty clothes sitting in my living room. They will get washed.
"You don't need a new year to have a new beginning. Each and every single day can be the start of something fresh, something new, something wonderful; it's all in the way you look at it. A year is a year regardless of what day you begin it on. Here's to living each day to the fullest and enjoying it and recognizing it for what it is, just a day."