Thursday, December 31, 2009

Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry

The New Year is here and I am ready to take it by storm.

I am ready for the beautiful transformation that typically happens after something has been under extreme pressure for an extended period of time...

(for those slower than most, think of the pearl...for you PIC)

I am worth more than pearls and diamonds, but how could anyone recognize my worth when I myself had forgotten it?

It's funny how we can get so lost inside of our own head that we put out our own fire.

I am tired of taking the short end of the stick. I am tired of self-destructing because I am too afraid to push pass my fear. I am tired of wanting love and only letting it get as close as my fingertips.

I am tired of people NOT worrying about me because I always get it done, make a way out of no way at all. I hurt and I cry (and not just when I am watching E.T.)

So CQP (Cool Quack P..lmbo) did not feel as though my letter to Safeway was open and unrestricted. He claims that it was limited in parts and not totally free. Now he really feena make me ask him to show me his degree cuz, I mean if that wasn't open, I don't know what is.. I mean did he want me to do a Dewayne and be like "Baby Baby please, baby baby please?" I mean what more can I say to the boy? HE KNOWS how I feel about him. I told him, I've showed him, and I really have nothing left to give. And plus, he's gone...his heart has left and I'm left replaying one of my favorite scenes from Baby Boy "He don't love me any more...take me away." (classic foolishness)

So my homework for next Thursday is: To identify all of the negative cycles I continue to perpetuate and break them. (yeah, I am not feeling this one either so I probably will write about why I should free my mind by going natural) anyone else wondering how any of this mess is helping me help my child deal with his issues which by the way have been compounded now that I have taken in a boarder (a tale for another day)

I have resolved that each and every day I will cut myself some slack and not take myself or life that seriously. So today, January 1st, I will not get mad at myself for yet again failing to wash all of those dirty clothes sitting in my living room. They will get washed.

"You don't need a new year to have a new beginning. Each and every single day can be the start of something fresh, something new, something wonderful; it's all in the way you look at it. A year is a year regardless of what day you begin it on. Here's to living each day to the fullest and enjoying it and recognizing it for what it is, just a day."

Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Thursday's Therapy (A Day Early) ~ Like You"ll Never See Me Again

Even though I don't really have the energy to do this assignment ~ I have decided to do it because I cannot afford to come back to this place and feel the pain and anguish and sit in the confusion that Mister Man (Quack ; p ) calls emotions.

Today's assignment for tomorrow's session is to write a letter to Safeway.. a letter expressing exactly how I fillers, no chasers.

So, we about to take the Henny to the head cuz that's the only way I am going to be able to reach the depth of my soul and leave it all expose out in blogland.

But then again, what do I have to lose? I mean, I have already lost him, what could be worse than that...pride doesn't keep you warm at night or help you smile through the pain.

So here is what I would say to HIM if I wasn't so scared of loving without strings attached..

I love you more than any love song you know. I am we are not the prototype, I am we are the real deal. Why is it that neither one of us really can pen when our relationship began or where it really will end? It's like I have known you my entire life. You were my Boo, but most importantly, you were my friend. I just can't sit here and watch it slip away. I know I have messed up with my last little stunt...but how is it that you knew before I told you what had set me off? How did you know that I thought someone had taken my place? That you were about to give your heart away... I won't lie, you hurt me, right down to my core. You kicked me while I was down and that shook me for awhile. But, I love you and they say love does not fail, so I could not simply walk away.

I have been running from something all of my life. I have been ducking and dodging, all of my life, and well I am was tired of running and had decided to fight. Fight for what was once mine. Fight for your love, fight for our love. Each time I am in your presence, I feel your love. Each time you kiss me, I feel your love. Each time you hold me, I feel your love. I see your love in your eyes which is why none of this makes sense to me. And it never will.

There are only so many cds with Lauryn's Sweetest Thing, MJB's Everything, India's Chocolate High, Alicia's No One, Raheem's Love Drug, Lutha's I Rather.. and the list goes on and on that one can make before the other gets the picture.

Before I met you, I had never been in love before, sure I had loved, BUT I had never given my heart away and stood by to watch to see whether they would toy with my heart strings, or love me genuinely. I had never wanted to be so connected, so close that when the vibing ceased that I would be left to pick up the pieces. You knew me when I was still walking with my head hanging down, still trying to find a reason to push forward. You knew me when the smiles were few and the pain overflowed. You knew me when I had given up on finding love and was settling for the Old Maid position. You knew me when I was broken and yet you still loved me. You still wanted me...You still saw me for the Queen I am.

Your love transformed me. It breathed new life into me. It made me feel free, again. It helped me start the journey of finding me. They say when that Love Jones come down, it's a mutha... well it surely is.

You made me want to be a better woman...and not just want to be, but put in motion the things I needed to do to become that woman...the woman that I felt you deserved. I didn't mind cooking your breakfast or washing your clothes (not that I ever did). What you say, be barefoot and stay at home? Yeah, I didn't even mind your old fashion goals. I didn't mind because as it goes, love will make you do and say some crazy things.

But it's something about how our convo ended today to let me know that your love is gone..that i went too far. and there is nothing i can do to turn back the hands of time because if I could I would have turned them back to the beginning a long time ago. Back to when you constantly called and doted on me. Back to when you freely loved me. You know back when I was listening to the people tell me (not u PIC cuz u always said he was a good guy, but then you also like Kream) that you were running that SE game on me. So instead of fully opening up and loving you. I loved you in measures...I loved you in portions. I loved you cautiously. I loved you to the best of my ability...I didn't want to give you all my love and then you casually walked away from me.

I couldn't "Stay in the Moment" though it was Worthy advice. I just couldn't stand not being in control...not knowing... and now look at the mess we're in.

How is it that something so right, could be so wrong? Is my clock running fast, or is yours running slow?

My head hurts and my heart is starting to clench up...and though i have said a still feels like i have not said enough... my faith is broken, and my eyes are closing, (and the tears are falling) but my heart's wide open as I say this in closing:

I love you Supa. You are the one for me. I never understood what people met when they said they had found the one until I met you. You can't complete me because I am already whole. But you do compliment me, you yourself said we were a perfect fit. They say... I say... the Bible says: Love never fails. So I have to TRUST and BELIEVE this and let you go and hopefully you will find your way back to my our love.

"I held my tongue when I should have spoken, I spoke when I should have been quiet. I hid what I should have broadcasted and publicized what I should have kept sealed. Some lessons do not have to be learned the hard way. I had love and lost it and now I have to sit and wonder if it will ever return, please don't make the same mistake I made. Love like there is no tomorrow, because sadly it may not be."

Gotta Luv M, Cuz I surely Do (Smooches)
Mr. Man if this isn't open enough for you, I don't know what is, becuz this is as good as it gets with me. You may never see me like this again because I don't know if I can ever love like this again or even if I want to. How you like them apples?

This is Dedicated to YOU ~ Perfect Fit

This is dedicated to you...

Yes, you.

The one who made me open up my eyes and see.....that the world did not revolve around me. (say what)

Even though it seemed like time stood still, and the sun grew brighter, when you were with me.

We fit like a glove..I was the hand, and you were the material surrounding me to keep me safe and warm. Too bad you didn't protect me, from me.

I was broken, and your ways fixed me. I saw in you the person I wanted to be, the person I used to be. I was ashamed at who I had become, but I quickly took the steps to undue some of the damage I had done.

I never knew a love like this... I never knew love. You made me weak and caused me to lose control...

You wrote me poetry, I wrote you prose

You called me your girl......

I never knew love could feel like this. My Love Jones, My Love Drug, My Kryptonite

I thank you for showing me how a man is supposed to be when he is in the presence of royalty..because I am a QUEEN and I had forgotten that... because I DESERVE love, and I had forgotten that as well.

Because of you, I stopped wanting to cry and started figuring out how to live....again. And, for that, I thank you.

I thank you for putting up with me and sidestepping, jumping over and ignoring all my baggage. I thank you for showing me the best of times. I thank you for being the oxymoron that caused me to finally break done and see that enough was enough and to tuck my trust issues aside and free myself to begin the quest of loving me! I thank you for loving me.

I wish I had loved you harder, longer, and more sincerer. I wish I had let down my guard and put away my fears...I wish that I was still loving you instead daydreaming with these what ifs.

"I was afraid to love because I had been so beaten, so broken, so unloved. I tried to guard my heart by putting up walls on top of walls. When I finally decided to allow myself to fall, it was a little too late. The path to his heart had been barricaded. I have been trying ever since to break back through... If you love someone, and they love you back, please don't let anything or anyone get in the way of spending your life surrounded by their love. Playing it safe doesn't keep you warm at night, it just keeps you up wondering 'what if.'"

Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

That's the way love goes

Love seems to be what everyone is chasing after; however, when some of us find it, we don't know what to do with it...we fail to appreciate it, to cherish it, to nurture it, to cultivate it, and sadly some of us refuse to see it. Welcome to my world of searching, finding and losing...

My Girl (this piece is copy wasn't written by me, but it was written about me)

Mr. Incredible,
Shotgun, Caddy,
Watching all the lights from the city fly past me
She drivin' she pryin' with all the questions she ask me
and I don't know her father but she keeps calling me daddy
want's to know what had me
quiet for the past three hours,
if I told her I know she won't understand me
we can't be together I could never be your man, see
with all I'd put you through I could never make you happy
I'd be lucky if you can stand me
Still don't understand why she longs for me so badly
It's something I can't see cause I can't stop the past from constantly re-
playing in my mind and I keep saying, "this time will be different"
If it was I wouldn't be writing this rhyme in my kitchen
trying to forget
all the time that I spent
just trying to forget
trying to pretend like I don't give a shit
like when I see her cry
it don't make me sick
But, when I see her cry
it makes me want to die
I sometimes
wish I'd
never been
born at all
And when the rain starts to fall
it feels like the pain that's contained in my heart
and I don't want to leave her
because she makes me strong
but I know I gotta leave
cause I know I don't belong
in her world
But I know that she knows
she will always be my girl

(my response)

U & I

In your mind
I would always be your girl
In my heart
I wanted to be your world

I wanted to always be in your life
Wanted you to ring me up, and make me your wife
Turning my world upside right,
Demolishing my fear like dynamite
Cuz I would always be in your world
Now that I would officially be your #1 girl
You know, 'til death do us part
You never said it, but I always knew I was your heart

Fear paralyzed me, no, us
Made us run, hide, cuss and fuss
Made us do things we'd never dream
Made us hurt the one we called King and Queen

You can't understand why I long for you so
Don't ask me cuz I really don't know
I just could feel you were the one
I knew my quest for love was finally done
I realized you intrigued me
You took me by surprise and freed me

Allowed me to ride shotgun
and to give you the go
To get in the driver's seat,
behind the wheel and control our flow
We knew our destination
It was crystal clear
But our fear lead to hesitation,

Chaos, distrust and confusion
Had me wondering: Was your love real or an illusion
Master of disguises I knew how to skillfully mask
The joys and pains that came with the fulfilling task
Of loving you so unconditional
Love's not new, but ours felt so revolutional

Felt like I was defying gravity
I wasn't scared, cuz I realized see,
That if I fell you were there,
waiting with open arms to catch me

I made you strong
You allowed me to be weak
I made you bold
You turned me into a freak

You loved me and I acted as if I didn't care
I loved you and you closed up and refused to share
We are one in the same
So afraid to get caught up in love's little game
Now you are there and I am here
Separated by our pasts' fear

Your stare let's me know
That you really don't want me to go
You know what they say, the eyes are the ports to the soul
And your soul wants U and I to grow ol'


(sorting my feelings now)

it's complicated

how u can love and hate someone at the same time
how u can laugh on the outside and be balling on the inside
how u can fool others while also fooling yourself
how u can have the answer but not know the question
how it can be so right, yet be so wrong

it's complicated
why i keep coming back
and dancing the same awkward dance
why i allow my heart to feel the same ole' pain
why i keep saying yes and you keep saying no

it's complicated
i know, but i gots to do this
in order to grow
i gots to put my fears on blast
i got to push through this
so i can move from it's complicated
to someone's at last

yeah, this mess is complicated

" today gone tomorrow. I love you...these three words, short and simple, yet so powerful. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all... I don't know. I just know that if you are going to love someone, do it whole-heartedly, and do it right from the start because you may find out that if you save it all for the end, that you've run out of time."

Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Monday, December 28, 2009

You Sooooooooooo Out of Pocket!

You ever had someone just jump way out there?

You know jump from their lane into yours without signaling or anything.

They hear something or read something and just run with it without thinking it through or processing the info like a NORMAL person would...

You haven't?

Well......................................... let me introduce myself. "Hi my name is Luv and I was so out of pocket the other day, I mean I was dead wrong and I am rather ashamed of my behavior, now you can scratch this off your never have met list."

The other day I must have bumped my head, really hard because I acted so uncool. I dropped the baton. I let them see me sweat. I became, even if just for a hot FB second, that chick.

Sidebar: Now, I am not saying that being that chick in certain instances are all bad. But, in my case, I had no reason to be that chick...probably didn't have any reason to be that chick either when I broke into dude's phone that time ( i digress)

I contacted this chick and asked her was her and her dude sex buddy having unprotected sex.. why, I mean he told me that they weren't and well when he told me I believed him but now that my entire body is going haywire and they can't pinpoint it, I'm like maybe dude gave me something... I mean I don't know how long they have been dealing but from her blog (yes, I read her blog) it seems like they have been hitting the skins for a minute and well, I wanted to know if dude had lied to me.

So instead of answering the question, this chick goes on and on about how she doesn't see how he finds time for me and how he is always with her and blah blah blah. And I am thinking, if he has given me anything that isn't curable, I am going to cause him bodily harm and if he has given me something that can be cured, I am going to cause him bodily harm.

So the chick has sent me several other messages that I refuse to respond to because I recognize that I am the one that opened Pandora's box..but just because I opened it doesn't mean I have to take out the contents...

"Trust ~ it takes years to build and seconds to destroy. Just because someone treated you one way doesn't give you license to make everyone pay for their actions. Emotions will get you in a jam that even your heart can't get you out of..."

Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Sky Is Falling (GUESS WHO'S BACK)

Ever felt this way? That everywhere you turned and every time you turned something was going really wrong...wrong to the point that you just knew the world must be getting ready to end. (not literally)

That the sky had to be falling and the ground had to be sinking cuz you felt like you were chin deep in mud and being slammed in the head with craters?

No... well, lucky you!

But seriously, it has been one thing after another. I have been trying to post before this but I had computer issues, then I had password issues, then I had life issues, then I had health issues and then I had more life issues, and more health issues, and then job issues, and it was issues on top of issues that I temporarily shut down.


I have been making progress which I will update you on in the upcoming days. I have continued with therapy and um, let me tell you this, therapy is HARD! My QUACK (um, he says he doesn't like this name...he just wants to be the guy I talked to...lmbo) isn't that insightful but he means well and he cares so I go..
My child still isn't quite right...but he is adjusting... the bedwetting had stopped and the attitude had simmered down but now we right back to square one. : (

My house, well it's 95% clean!!!! And I did some home improvements all by myself..I put up baseboards with a manual saw, some nails, and a hammer... and let me tell you, please don't cross me cuz I got the arms of a construction worker and I don't mind flexing. There are days that I go into my house and cry...I can't believe how much clutter I have gotten rid of since the starting of this blog.

My relationships, well the guy I was trying to get over must have thought I would crumble, after I broke down and cried...or maybe it was the devil...but whomever it was must not know that I AM A SURVIVOR (there will be a later post about this)

"Life isn't always what it's cracked up to be, but as long as we are among the living we can decide whether we are going to take what life throws at us on our back, knees or feet. Life sometimes really is what you make of it...Too often we take seriously the things and people we should look at as a joke and take for granted the things and people we should take seriously. Live life without regrets, chasing your own happiness, loving as much as possible, making it a worthwhile ride."

Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do!!!! Smooches

feels good to be back..

Friday, September 25, 2009

Thursday's Therapy~Stacking the Deck

Shuffle, Shuffle, Cut, Cut, Deal, Deal, Flip a Card, Deal
So, this is what the quack thinks I am doing to him. He thinks that I am shuffling up whatever it is he is asking me, cutting it down into segments that I can quickly manipulate, then dealing him out a heap of HORSE CRAP (but of course he used the word BullS) with one or two honest responses mixed in the HORSE CRAP.
It's quite interesting....
Whenever I would go to speak, he would whip out his imaginary deck of cards and begin to deal out my HORSE CRAP.
The things is, he would be dealing when I was actually being sincere and not dealing when I was giving him FILLERS or FLUFF not HORSE CRAP. So, what does that mean? Does it mean that I have mastered the art of talking in circles to the point that even when I am being straight forward it is sounding like randomness? Or is it that I have been doing this for so long that I don't even know what I am really feeling? (I know that sounds crazy but it is possible to run from your feelings so much that you actually lose touch with what you are actually begin to fool yourself) Or, is it that his male ego is so fragile that when he told me that he knew a lot about me and I laughed and said, "oh, really, a lot of people feel that way...but trust, just because I have sat and talked with you for an hour doesn't mean that you have learned anything about me. I can say a lot and not really say anything at all," that I damaged his ego?
So now, this week he is over there dealing cards and telling me that I am pouring it on and well, I wasn't. Or at least I don't think I was. Actually, I know I wasn't. I was having a really bad day, spent the morning in my car crying while talking to my uncle. (but that's a story for another blog in another location) And, well, I just didn't have it in me to talk in circles because I was already emotionally drained.
So my homework: (yeah this is gonna get old after awhile, if I wanted to be writing papers, I would go on back to my part time job of being a professional student.)
Write about why do I think I am in therapy. Why do I think I am ready for therapy. Why do I think I am not ready for therapy.
And if I simply write that I am ready for love, he will whip out that deck of cards and then I would probably wanna horse kick him.
"Masks, we all wear them, actually, we are taught to wear them, and even encouraged to wear them, whether it's to mask how we truly feel about a person or a situation, or to hide what type of individual or worker we are...we wear them. Some people have the ability to change masks as quickly as a person changing a hat or a pocketbook. Masks are fascinating and often necessary, but the danger with masks is: you wear them long enough, people won't be able to tell your representative from the real thing."
~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

You Can Take That to the Bank

I'm a dime piece!

Yup, you heard me right. That's what the security guards at the library told me.

Well they did not actually tell me, one old guard said to the other old guard: "that's a dime right there."

And seeing that it wasn't any coins on the floor and I was the only lady there sporting all of my teeth and a fresh shower, I had to believe they were talking about me.

Was that vain of me?

Well, I didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted. I mean here it is these old timers, I mean late 60 early 70s checking me out and trying to be hip. Isn't it a rule against that? And had they been flashlight cops, I would have told them something but since they already looked a little shaky and were tooting guns, I just looked at them and shook my head.

It was almost as bad as watching the 80 year old granny getting high off a dipper. Or driving around the Chi' and seeing 50 year olds still gang banging. It's like at what age will you leave the foolishness alone and grow the heck up? I mean don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of Never Never land but I do believe at some point we have to put on our big girl and big boy drawls and play the part.

So maybe if Barney Fife and his partner would have done that they would have realized that I was more than a dime cuz I'm Top Shelf.

"There comes a point in time when we all have to leave our childhood behind and step into adulthood, whether we want to or not. There also will come a time when we will have to leave adulthood and experience that eternal peace. Therefore, don't waste your future trying to hold on to your past."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Monday, September 21, 2009

Therapy Thursdays

Okay first up, I know today is not Thursday, but it is the day that I go to therapy and well I couldn't post so I am posting now.

So, the jury is still out on this guy. He seems kinda spastic. My child likes him but then again, why wouldn't he, all they do is play games.

When I asked him what they talk about, he says I don't know but I beat him in checkers.

That's real encouraging.

Anyways, so on Thursday I have to go for my one-on-one session with him and well so far I'm not sure therapy is for me. I mean if I have to revisit the stuff that I have successfully forgotten about or put away, I don't think I am going to hang in there.

This past Thursday he hit a cord. I had to think about the top three awful things that happened to me at the hands of my parents. And well, at first I couldn't think of anything. I almost grabbed my phone to call one of my sistah friends to ask her and then it all came back to me like I was being swept away by a flood.

Let's just say that I had a stank attitude the rest of the day. He also gave me homework and well, I wanted to share the wealth...You know what they say, therapy is only good if you can share it with a group. (okay they don't say that but who cares)

Think about your childhood, how are you different now from do you want your future to differ from your present.

"Yesterday is gone forever, today is what you make it, tomorrow has yet to be written. Stop letting people from your past who do not matter continue to write chapters of your life when you know they aren't going to stick around for the finale."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

This is Dedicated to YOU ~ PIC

I have we, I think we all have one, if not, you should........


That's right, I gots me a ride or die chick. Now, they don't always have to be chicks, but in my case, mine is.

You know, regardless of the day or the hour, the color or the flavor, she is willing and ready to mobilize at the drop of a pin to get it in, whatever it is.

If it's donning Ninja Suits and jumping out on your dude or his car, she's down.

And in the rare occasions that she cannot join you on your escapade, she will have her ear glued to the phone giving you step by step instructions on how to wield a sledgehammer through your cheating man's door.

If you need to go underground for a sec or two, she's willing to hide you under her bed, in her closet, and allow you to go through whatever it is you need to do.

And on occasion, she will feed you, clothe you in a tube, and supply you with know help you do everything that you are scared or ain't supposed to do.

And most importantly, she will laugh at you.

So this post is dedicated to my PIC. We have had our share of ups and down. And times when we didn't want the other around. But you have been tried, tested and proven true (on most occasions cuz you do have your flaky moments). I never needed a Sasha Fierce because I always had you. You to tease me when I was hiding under a car, you to dress me when I needed to look fly, you to listen to me as long as I didn't cry, you to cover for me as long as it wasn't behind a tree, you to remind me of all the crazy, embarrassing, semi-illegal things I've done when I needed to remember where I come from. And for that, I

Yes, THANK YOU, Mcfly for being there for me, and helping me sort it out, regardless of the topic, regardless of the hour. Thank you for allowing me to grow without the judging eyes and for reminding me that I was 2Legit2Quit. From Tsenre' to Safeway, From Yor to Brown, From Teddy to T.I., oh and let's not forget your favorite: Kream. You were there to help me sort out and pick up the pieces.

It's funny cuz life has it's way of turning your world upside down. And well, right now mine is teethering, and so my thoughts are of you. At first, I thought it was because I needed wanted you to ride shot-gun while we go look for that fool. But now, I realize it's because regardless of the pain or the stressing, the trial or the tribulation, you thought me a valuable lesson:

To Laugh, Even When It Hurts

And for this PIC, I thank you. I thank you for allowing me to share my hurts, pains, and embarrassments. I thank you for giving me only laughter in return. ( I still don't think you should have laughed at me falling in that hole in the stage BEFORE you found out that I was okay) I thank you for sharing your family and giving me a safe place to call home. I thank you for not abandoning me until I was ready to stand on my own. I never needed an alter ego cuz I always had you. True we don't talk much at all these days, but you will forever be my cuzzo, my sistah, my friend. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine......

"To live, is to learn that not all of life's lessons are pleasant. Laughter is to Life, what Sugar is to Medicine, it doesn't take away the sting or the taste, it just makes for a smoother ride. Sometimes I want to just break down and cry, but instead I laugh, and so should you."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

*****My internet is still shaky so forgive me yall. I will be in internet heaven this weekend and will be dropping pass all of your pages to catch don't mind the late comments. Mr. Chap, I couldn't figure out how to leave a comment on your page...until then yall, forward moving.


Sunday, September 13, 2009

You Have The Right to Remain Silent

(This is a rather long post)
In otherwords:


So the Po-Pos came a knocking at my door the other day and well I guess that's where the drama begins. See normally, if someone knocks on my door and I am not expecting company, I just let them knock. I don't care if they can hear me inside talking, laughing, crying, singing, or screaming .... I will proceed as if I don't hear the knock, that's just me, especially if it's at night. I just don't invite too many people into my personal space, literally or figuratively. But for some reason I answer...

Bam, Bam, Bam

Who is it?

It's the police! (So instantly my mind goes, oh no, did I go kill that sucka and black out? Seriously. Then I was like if my neighbor's called the cops because my child was making all of this noise, it is on. The next time he even sounds like he feena whoop his wife's tail, I'm gonna call about the noise)

Opening the door a crack, "What do you want?" I ask this slimey looking white non-uniformed guy standing at my door.

"I'm looking for a Ms. such and such...or such and anybody by that name stay here?" (now I'm looking at this fool like you must got me twisted if you think that you are going to come knock at my door, not even sure if it's my door, and mispronounce my name and think I am going to identify myself..and where is your partner if you a po-po?) STRIKE TWO, Strike One was showing up at my door unannounced.

"Naw, don't nobody with that name stay here. " (I shut the door and tell my child to get his shoes on. Now, I am a little leary. As some of you all remember, one of my friends was killed a year ago and it started with a knock on the door by someone saying they were the police and then the FBI then a couple of days later she had bullets in her body. So I am literally in counter-attack mode. I am about to go MacGyver on his behind and then I hear dude talking to somebody, I tell my child to get in the room pronto. I open the door just in time to see a chick step out of the stairway onto the hallway of my floor. WTW, was this chick hiding in the cut waiting for me? Were these fools thinking they were gong to ambush me? What's really going on? Now, all I am thinking is that I have to get my child to safety. )

"Um, do you know anybody by the name of such and such or perhaps such and such?" (Once again this fool doesn't even come close to my name. What game is he playing?)

"Naw, why you looking for her?"

So now it's the chicks turn to talk, "Oh, we just want to talk to her."

And I'm thinking, yeah, good luck doing that. I watch them as they go back and forth and stare at this lil' piece of paper. Then the chick suggests the dude call whomever sent them looking for me. Dude calls someone and says now they not picking up. Yeah it's getting shakier by the second. Then these fools proceed to knock on my neighbors doors looking for me. And I am just laughing cuz most people don't know me at all and of the the ones that do, only six of them know my government name. But it doesn't seem right that they are basically shaking down my building looking for me. It just doesn't seem coplike.

So now I am like let me get my baby away from me. We need to separate. The sad part is my cell phone was lost and I don't have a house phone so I wouldn't be able to call for back-up right away. So, I walk down the hall and knock on one of my neighbor's door and the Po-Pos watch me and then I'm like I don't want them thinking this is where I live so I say loudly "I guess Idonthaveaclue is sleep." I keep knocking until they leave my floor and go down to the second floor. I then run to another neighbor's house and knock and when they opened the door I gave them the rundown and was basically like my child needs to stay here and if anything crazy goes down this is the person who should come get him.

So now that my child is safe I jump right back into commando mode. I don't hear anymore knocking so I assume the perps have vacated the building. I rush down the five flights of stairs hoping I can catch their vehicle so that I can get the tag number. I ask the WindowNeighbor if she let the perps in the building because our building is supposed to be secured. She doesn't know who let them in or if they have left the building. So, I run outside and check for any moving cars. I don't see any with them in it. As I am heading back to my building I spot the undercover po-po vehicle. I memorize the plates. Just because they now have been i.d. as legit po-po's don't mean they ain't dirty. So I head back into my building to search for them and immediately hear them questioning someone about me. Now that part doesn't bother me because they asked everyone that opened their door if they knew me. What bothered me was the person was giving them my information.

So you know I was like WTW. I flew up them stairs like I was on the dipper. I came around that corner and stared my neighbor down. If looks could kill, I would be writing about her funeral. So this is where the real fun begins. So it appears that the dude didn't like the fact that he had to walk up and down them stairs looking for me and so he decides that he is going to try and implore intimidation tactics on me. Lawd help this fool, don't he know who I am? I ain't afraid of no po-po. STRIKE THREE

So he goes into his aggressive, angry you are going to talk to me spill. And I simply smile and say:

"Do you have a warrant?" "Am I under arrest?" "Then I don't have to talk to you at all."

The look on his face, you guessed it: PRICELESS.

So, I eventually decide to talk to them only because the chic said it was about my child. So I lead them back to my place and made them stand while they tried to assure me that everything they did was "by the book." This is how they normally notify a parent that their child needs to go to therapy. (yeah, I am sure of it) And yeah, I got a glimpse of that white sheet of paper. No name on there. Just an address with an incorrect suite number. And a home number that I had six numbers ago.

Oh, my neighbor, yeah I went back and knocked on her door and basically told her next time to shut her big trap. Good thing I don't live a life of crime cuz I would have to take her out.

"Ignorance is never bliss. Know your rights and never be afraid to exercise them. And when you feel that your rights have been violated, never be afraid to fight for them."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Trying of My Faith

The Devil tried my faith.....

and he almost won.

But I prayed.

Yes, I got down on my knees and I prayed. And I prayed, and prayed. I even prayed some more.

I said: "Dear God, please let me find the sucka who has done this to my child so that I can bust him to the white meat. And dear God, please let me find his parents so that I can do the same to them. Amen."

Now I do understand that we have some outta town guests that have stopped by to rest their feet or maybe just to eat up all our good food. And I am sure some of them may be reading this and glancing to the right side of my blog and rereading that and thinking this doesn't sound very loving of Luv. Well, you need to read 10 to Life and then you will see that my Only busting them to the white meat would be very loving on my part.

So anyways, after several days of searching and suffering from excruciating headaches and sleepless nights I decided to pray a different prayer:

"Dear God, now I know you know that had this happened a year or so ago that there would be no praying on my part...I would have reacted by now and someone or someones would be dead. That person no longer exists so please help me get through this even if I cannot make sense of it. Amen."

And well, I finally went to sleep. And when I woke up, I was still mad as all out doors AND I still wanted to bust a cap in someone, anyone (I kept telling Jill Scott that if I hurt someone I would feel so much better) AND I still wanted answers BUT the rage was gone from my heart.

"Often times the right decision is not the popular choice and it sometimes comes at high price. We all fall down and sometimes we are even pushed down; nevertheless, all that really matters is what you decide to do before you get back up. If someone tells you that they have never fallen, it's because they have yet to realize they were always lying on their backs."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Monday, September 7, 2009

It's Electric...

Yeah my Swag has been electrified. It's like static cling, cuz every time I turn around something or someone is stuck to me.

(This was mentally written long before this recent madness crept into my life. It was supposed to be the post after the pics. But, I have been having a hard time getting on the internet to post.)

I wish someone could have taken a picture of my grin as I tossed the last bag into the dumpster. It was weird, it was like I was finally free. Free to go back to being me.

I walked outside with such a pep in my step. It was saying, "LOOK OUT WORLD, HERE I COME!" And boy was I planning to take it by storm.

I am sure dudes almost got whiplash snapping their heads trying to get a look at me. The funny thing was some of these dudes were the same dudes I walked passed everyday. Everyday...that never once gave me the once over and now they all in my face. Must be that electrifying glow they see shooting from my body that's gotten their attention.

Yeah, bagging up and dumping 9 years of pain, sorrow, and unhappiness will do that for you. It's funny, I can't even go to the library without someone being in my face: young, old, short, fat, bald, doesn't even matter. They all want to get next me and well I just smile and politely take their numbers and keep it moving cuz this is my time to shine. And guess what...


"They say time heals all wounds. The verdict is still out for me with regards to this. But I do know that sometimes you get knocked down and don't want to or know how to get back up, but in due time, you will find your way. Never give up and never count yourself out...God works miracles long after the final bell has rung"

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)
This is a double post...please check out previous post.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

10 to Life

That's what I keep telling myself as I try to process what's going on in my life right now.

I will probably get ten years to life and well, I just really don't care.

I am trying to be rational but my violent mama side is like "Hell to the Naw, let's ride!"

And those that really know me, know that I will ride. And not only will I ride but I also will pull a trigger and do a 1-8-7 on a man, woman, child, old, young, big, little, fat, skinny, short, tall...I will cap them all when it comes to my child. That's the long and the short of it.

So, I have been walking around for the last couple of days stressed anyways due to my health. It's somethings going on there that gots me racing to get some things in order. (see previous blog where I talk about Gone too Soon, I think..too antsy to check right now) Then, I am only able to connect to the internet like 5 minutes a day and on most days of late, not at all. So, I am over here writing my blogs on paper trying to release all of the madness from my spirit so I can move forward with my LUV mission. (I got's some funny stuff to tell yall)

And now this. And well the rational side is only winning because I have yet to come face to face with the perp...I had a very good chance of squashing my rage by busting someone in the head on the day it happened but Jill Scott foiled my plans. Talking about she didn't have any bail money, hmph, I had tried to give the heafa a blank check.

So, my child was sexually assaulted at school the other day and all I want to do is make someone pay. I really don't care who it is. Blood is blood as far as I am concerned. And that's what I want, Blood. I want a life because my child should not have to go through what he is about to go through. He shouldn't have to go to therapy every week. He should not have to talk to all of these strangers. He should not have to register with Crime Victim's Unit...He should not have to be forced to be anything other than the bratty child he is. But he is so I am seeing red...boy oh, boy am I seeing red.

The doctor and the social worker at the hospital has advised me not to talk to him until my rage subsides...I am not sure if I can wait until next year to address this with him. I know I need to bend these knees and ask Jah to take this hatred and rage from me, BUT I don't want him to. I want to kill someone, and then I want to sit and do my time with a smile on my face. Sure, I really won't be able to blog there but, who knows, maybe they will give me my own newspaper column.

"It is a given that the Devil retires only for a little while after your initial defeat of him. You never know when, where, or how he will attack again...but know this, just as surely as the sun sets and rises, he will attack again. He's sorta like a hater, he can't stand to see you shine. This is why you gots to stay prayed up everyday cuz you never know when the Devil might catch you slipping. I pray that I will not allow the Devil to steal my newfound joy."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

so needless to say the wireless connection dropped just as i was trying to post this thank goodness for automatic save

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dear John (final)

Dear John,

This has been a long time's been written and rewritten, stopped and placed on pause...
The love affair I have been having with you in my head has ended.
It's seems that after all of the editor's cuts, extended and alternate endings, that the original version still reigned supreme.

I guess it doesn't matter how many special effects and alternate endings you add after the fact because it's just that, after the fact.

It was like a teenage love affair filled with lessons learned valid for a lifetime. I realize that I couldn't live in the moment because I was too busy trying to catch you in a lie and so blinded by this task that I failed to see that we were living the lie.

Happily Ever After only happens in fairy tales. I was searching for a man but used to being with a boy. You were searching for a woman and used to being with a girl. I got a man and treated him like a boy. You got a woman and treated her like a toy. And so the story goes....

You made me want to be a better woman and so I shall be, but not for you or for the next man, but for me.

"They say it's better to have loved and have lost that love than to never have loved at all. I say "they" have never loved from the depths of their souls to the tips of their toes. They have never loved with their eyes closed shut and their hearts wide open. Becuz if so, they would know better than to say some dumb mess like that."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

So, like I said, I have been having computer issues and this thing didn't post when I tried to post and then when it finally posted, it posted the wrong thing... well it's be published now, so I will just leave it be... hmph.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

The pics....

This is Dedicated to You~~ (My) Jill Scott

So despite you having a big head and always walking around in cheatah leopard tiger monkey some type of animal print looking like you about to fly away to the jungle, looking for George so you can swing on his vine, I just wanted you to know:


At least by me and that child that seems to believe that he actually lives at your house.

In this day and age, it's not too many peeps my age (or younger) that give me cause to pause and peruse their life story. Or, give me reason to pause and notice them at all. I mean your attire alone stops me in my tracks, usually cuz I am trying to find my phone so I can take a pic and send it to Ghetto Hot Mess and call PETA and the fashion police at the same time, but I overlook all of your fashion faux pas, because the truth of the matter is, when you get right down to it, all that matters is your heart (and the fact that my lil cuzzo did not pick up your fashion taste makes it easier, you grown, you have earned the right to do you, urgh!).

You are a very selfless person, even when you have earned the right to be selfish. You came when no one else would come. You pick up slack that I don't even realize is there. You love with no strings attached. You have cleared the way for me to make my long, overdue journey back to the middle and for this and much more......

Thank you for being you because it makes it so much easier for me to be me (non-violent). So go on Cuzzo and put on that zebra shirt with those red pants and cheetah shoes, sure my stomach will drop and my eyes will hurt, but at the end of the day, I will love you the same.

"Many would like to believe that they are self-made men or women...I know that I did not get this far without having God above me and the family that are my friends and the friends that are my family (no, not one in the same) surrounding me, pushing me, protecting me, and most importantly LOVING ME. Without them, I am not nothing, but it doesn't make for much to write home about."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Sidebar: So, I will be doing a series of You Are Appreciated or This is Dedicated To You cuz it is very healthy to thank those who have done something for you and sometimes to you. I will at least try and make it monthly if not weekly.

Also, since I am having technical difficulties, I am gonna have to blog twice in a day at times, please bear with me...sometimes I just can't be holding all this stuff in my head, it might explode. (smile) and for those of you asking for pics from my getaway, send me your FB link.


Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Little Red Hen

As long as I can remember I have been the Little Red Hen.......

I would ask for help and people would say that they would help me. I would twiddle my thumbs and sit on my hands as I tried my darnest to exhibit some form of patience. 95% of the time, I would be left to do the task that I initially asked for help with by my lonesome. And therefore, I only would reap the rewards of my labor.

This is why I don't readily ask for help now. I don't have time to waste to sit around waiting for someone (who most likely had good intentions when they offered) to bail on me and leave me with less time to complete some task that for some reason (mentally, emotionally, physically, psychologically) I could not complete on my own. So much for Lean On Me.

Well, I have been dealing with this demon for NINE YEARS and it finally got to the point where I realized that I could not do it alone because mentally I wasn't ready to move forward and emotionally I wasn't stable enough. Physically I could do it, but the psychological effect of staring at my own personal main post office instantly drained me. So I asked for help.

I asked and I asked and I asked.

They accepted and said they would come, but none did.

And just when I was about to go dust off my lil white apron and don my red hen suit, one showed up. And after five plus hours of non-stop sorting, stuffing, ripping, bagging, and dragging, and then two additional days of me going it alone we have this picture update (I will have to try and upload the other pics because blogger is having issues)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I only have two.....


"They say that troubles don't last always and I guess they right. The thing to remember is that just because they don't last always don't mean that they will be here today and gone tomorrow. Sometimes you have to repeat the wash and spin cycles a few times before you are ready to be dried out."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

for those just sitting down to break bread with me, check out this one to understand my excitement.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

And Not With A Soda On The Side!

So I have been feeling a little under the weather.

I have had snoot running from my nose, my head has been throbbing, and my ears have been popping, and my child has been a whining.

Just whining about any and everything and well, it just got me to thinking about some things.

Things like how when I am sick, I really want to be catered to by a warm body that has a lot of testosterone running through it and preferably is over the age of 20. Now, I ain't talking about having nobody wipe my nose and my butt (no, I didn't have the runs, but I am just saying). I am talking about having someone fret over me. Make me some tea. Make me some cocoa. Make me some freakin' CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP! Bring me some tissue, you know the soft kind that won't make all them ugly scabs show up around my nose. Someone to ask me if there is anything they can do to make it better, even if they know that I am going to say 'no.'

I also realized that even though I am a great MOMMY.....

That I don't particularly care for being a mommy.

That's the plain truth of it. I mean I love kids. And at one time I wanted 10 of them. Five of my own and I wanted to adopt five. Now, I don't want any. I want a DO OVER.

This is hard work and on most days I don't think it's all that it's cracked up to be.

It's like the saying goes, I can do bad all by myself. Why bring a kid into the equation? Yeah these are things that I should have thought about before pre-creation, and I thought I had thought them through. But, I just don't like being a parent. Now, it goes without saying that if my child wasn't such a brat that I probably would enjoy being a parent, but he is and i don't and I guess that's life, which is why I just do the best I can do.

I am thinking I am gonna have a slide show for you guys tomorrow, so please toon in.

"Life doesn't always give us what we need or what we want, but that should not stop us from doing what we need to or want to do. Most happy people accept what they have and work with what they got."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Dear John (version 1)

My heart's in turmoil...I wish I could say that by the time you read this blog, I would be gone, but I know I won't. I have been writing this letter for some time and well, I can't quite pen my words to say exactly what I want to say without sounding like a 3 year old child or without sounding bitter, jealous, angry, or affected, or without having to write another side note to explain what it was that I was trying to say that I felt I didn't say that well in the letter.

Truth is: I am bitter, angry and affected. AND, at times I do get jealous and pout and throw a tantrum like a 3 year old, okay maybe a 5 year old child.

I am BITTER that your transition from being in love to being out of love with me has been so seamless. I still wonder how it is that you managed to get your tool lubed just days after we departed IF you weren't doing anything on the side. (I know that some of us will do whatever to get a man, but dang, just like that? Exactly) I mean, yeah we weren't together but isn't there some unofficial break-up rule that you don't hump, pump, finger, lick, stick, bite, shuck, or bring to your mama's house another person within 168hrs (um, yeah that would be 1wk) of breaking up with your previous girl/guy? I'm just saying.

I am ANGRY that you stopped being there for me.... you used to go out of your way to make sure I was fed, safe, and knew my rightful place. Now if I am hungry I know to call Takeout Taxi and if I am in danger to call 911 and hope the Po-Pos ain't on a coffee break and I question if I was ever your number one girl since you only pen things for your number one fan.

I am JEALOUS that you are a guy and I am a girl and therefore even when I don't cry myself to sleep, I toss and turn reminiscing about the love we once had while you make memories with your new girl toy.

I throw tantrums because like a child I feel powerless and when I throw a fit, I at least get your undivided attention if just for that fleeting instance.

I am AFFECTED because I told myself that I would NEVER love again. That I would never let anyone get so close to me that they could cripple me... that they could cause me to lose me.. cause me to doubt me... cause me to be all up in my head. I loved you, the best way I could...even when it scared the bajeezies out of me, I stayed the course...even when I sensed you were getting scared, I pushed forward; even when you allowed others to weigh in, I sucked it up and charged it to the game; even when you dethroned me and put me at the end, I bided my time; even when it was apparent that the well had run dry and I was the pinch hitter for when the starting five weren't delivering....I loved you and smiled through the pain.

You asked a very valid question: Why am I here? Well, cuz in my mind, I never left.

"Falling in love is the easy part, it's the landing that's hard. Sometimes when you land, you find out you hit the mark and other times you find out you missed the target completely. Navigating the course of love is never easy, not for the ones on the rollercoaster ride nor for the friends and family watching from the sidelines."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Friday, August 21, 2009

I'm Going To See the Wizard

Okay, I lied, I am really finally going to see a Quack.

And I kinda have mixed emotions about it. I mean on one hand, I want him/her to perform a miracle. I want him/her to sprinkle some fairy dust and make me all better. Or, I want him to sing a song about me having a heart, a brain or some courage and for me to feel all warm and fuzzy inside and then I leave feeling better than before.

I want the pain of my childhood...erased. I want the pain of losing my babies... erased. I want the experience of being violated...erased. I want the frustration of feeling like a motherless, fatherless child...erased. But I really want the feeling that I don't deserved to be loved ERASED.

They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, but the reality is, what doesn't kill you drives you insane. At least that has been my experience.

So, I know the Quack can't make all of my fears, frustrations, pains and disappointment disappear but I would like them to cuz my notion of coping is "just ignoring the situation" and well as i look at my toe, i know ignoring a situation hasn't quite worked out well for me in the past.

It's funny because I am not sure if I am totally comfortable with going to see a Quack even though I feel it will be totally beneficial for me... it's something about having it documented that I can't handle everything thrown at me...that I don't use the best coping techniques all the times...that it does matter A LOT when I put forth the effort to love someone and they don't love me back... it's like letting the world know that I am not as put together as they thought. (now I have been telling people for the longest that I am not as strong as they think I am but now it's like they gonna have proof) I know it's silly, but it's real. It's what I am feeling right now.

So I guess, on the other hand, I want to go and I want the Quack to tell me that I had the solution right under my nose that all I had to do was click my Nike's or Keds 3-4 times and that I would be where I want to be with who I want to be there with.

Nevertheless, I am going to go and lie on this couch and try and cram as much of my life into the one hour free consultation as I can.

Really the hard part has already been done... I already know my issues and WHY I have the issues, I just need to know how to fix, cope, deal with , maintain my issues.

"Sometimes we have to accept that there are no quick fixes to our issues and that the fix may be simply to maintain to the best of your ability until you can affect enough change to alter the course of your's kinda like playing cards, like when you are dealt a sucky hand that you can't throw back in, sometimes you just gots to put on your poker face, take a deep breath, and play that crappy hand and hope the next deal won't be so bad."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Supa Supa 8....

I've been tagged by the delightful Chic Mama in a tag of eights.
The rules are:
- Mention the person who tagged you.
- Complete the list of eights
- Tag eight others and let them know.

1) Eight things I am looking forward to :
-My cruise
-School Starting back
-My child moving out
-My child stop whining
-Going on a road trip across country next year with my child if I don't push him overboard on my cruise
-being a wonderful wife
-Having a normal child
-Loving Luv for a long time to come

2) Eight things I did yesterday:
-bleed through my clothes
-cried again
-went to the library
-called safeway-Posted a blog
-checked facebook
-beat the cat

3) Eight things I wish I could do:
- Take a trip by myself or with my girls
- go get some white castles
- Get paid before pay day
- Sew
- Play the piano
- sing in key- find a job i actually like
- turn back the hands of time

4) Eight places I would like to travel to:

5) Eight places I've travelled to:

6) Eight people to tag:
hmm...I will have to think about this one

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

p.s. I will be cruising in a couple of days and I still have not packed a thing... not one item and on the boat, I will not have access to internet, so if you don't here from me for a minute now that I am okay, and that I am really enjoying learning to love moi.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

What Hurts the Most....

heart broken the letting go. (I think Mo' says it best)

Yeah, it's not really the official "we're done" because you could be done, and not really be done. I mean you could no longer be an item but still share certain privileges or perks. I think the re-training of your heart and mind to understand that whenever you are in a jam that you can't call him or her anymore is the killer. I think the realization that it's really over and that you have to move on is the hard part, when there is no more revolving door.

Me and He, yeah we have been done for a minute. A long minute. But not really done, done. It's like a bad movie stuck on repeat. We go through a phase where we are cool. I mean we are peaceably enough with each other. Then we get to acting like we are friends (you know where we actually talk about meaningful stuff) ... and then there's the phase where we both get horny at the same time (cuz it doesn't really work if only one of us is horny cuz the other one just shuts that one down) and get to kissing and hugging and ...well, then we have to stop cuz even though we both want to go there, we can't go there. So this phase is followed by the angry childish phase where I delete him as my facebook and myspace friend and he stops taking my phone calls and this goes on until we get back to our "we are cool" phase.

Well, I can't be no side meat. (not saying I ain't been the side meat before) I am and need to be the main course. And this is not to say he has a main's just saying that I made a vow to God that I am in jeopardy of breaking so I need to regroup, refocus, retreat, repent, and wait to be ringed up before I can engage in any more releasing.

But it's hard. I love him. (Yes, I love you Safeway) I love him like I have never loved another man before. And he is a man... and I think this is what frightened me the most. I mean after you get used to dealing with grown little boys, you get kinda flustered when you meet a grown man even if it's in a babe's body. So, I did what I think most people in my situation who had been through what I had gone through would have done... I pushed and pushed until I had pushed him away. And I have been running after him ever since.

And now I have to let him go for good because this back and forth is driving me insane; I wonder if it would be wrong if I told him:

"don't you touch her like you used to touch me
don't you love her like you really need me
don't you love her like you used to love me."
Monica, Hurts the Most

"Love lost, is it really better than never having loved at all? I am not sure about that, but I do know that if you are in loved or if someone is loving you, cherish the moment because it may be fleeting, seems like forever and always don't really mean forever and always any more."
~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)