Sunday, September 13, 2009

You Have The Right to Remain Silent

(This is a rather long post)
In otherwords:


So the Po-Pos came a knocking at my door the other day and well I guess that's where the drama begins. See normally, if someone knocks on my door and I am not expecting company, I just let them knock. I don't care if they can hear me inside talking, laughing, crying, singing, or screaming .... I will proceed as if I don't hear the knock, that's just me, especially if it's at night. I just don't invite too many people into my personal space, literally or figuratively. But for some reason I answer...

Bam, Bam, Bam

Who is it?

It's the police! (So instantly my mind goes, oh no, did I go kill that sucka and black out? Seriously. Then I was like if my neighbor's called the cops because my child was making all of this noise, it is on. The next time he even sounds like he feena whoop his wife's tail, I'm gonna call about the noise)

Opening the door a crack, "What do you want?" I ask this slimey looking white non-uniformed guy standing at my door.

"I'm looking for a Ms. such and such...or such and anybody by that name stay here?" (now I'm looking at this fool like you must got me twisted if you think that you are going to come knock at my door, not even sure if it's my door, and mispronounce my name and think I am going to identify myself..and where is your partner if you a po-po?) STRIKE TWO, Strike One was showing up at my door unannounced.

"Naw, don't nobody with that name stay here. " (I shut the door and tell my child to get his shoes on. Now, I am a little leary. As some of you all remember, one of my friends was killed a year ago and it started with a knock on the door by someone saying they were the police and then the FBI then a couple of days later she had bullets in her body. So I am literally in counter-attack mode. I am about to go MacGyver on his behind and then I hear dude talking to somebody, I tell my child to get in the room pronto. I open the door just in time to see a chick step out of the stairway onto the hallway of my floor. WTW, was this chick hiding in the cut waiting for me? Were these fools thinking they were gong to ambush me? What's really going on? Now, all I am thinking is that I have to get my child to safety. )

"Um, do you know anybody by the name of such and such or perhaps such and such?" (Once again this fool doesn't even come close to my name. What game is he playing?)

"Naw, why you looking for her?"

So now it's the chicks turn to talk, "Oh, we just want to talk to her."

And I'm thinking, yeah, good luck doing that. I watch them as they go back and forth and stare at this lil' piece of paper. Then the chick suggests the dude call whomever sent them looking for me. Dude calls someone and says now they not picking up. Yeah it's getting shakier by the second. Then these fools proceed to knock on my neighbors doors looking for me. And I am just laughing cuz most people don't know me at all and of the the ones that do, only six of them know my government name. But it doesn't seem right that they are basically shaking down my building looking for me. It just doesn't seem coplike.

So now I am like let me get my baby away from me. We need to separate. The sad part is my cell phone was lost and I don't have a house phone so I wouldn't be able to call for back-up right away. So, I walk down the hall and knock on one of my neighbor's door and the Po-Pos watch me and then I'm like I don't want them thinking this is where I live so I say loudly "I guess Idonthaveaclue is sleep." I keep knocking until they leave my floor and go down to the second floor. I then run to another neighbor's house and knock and when they opened the door I gave them the rundown and was basically like my child needs to stay here and if anything crazy goes down this is the person who should come get him.

So now that my child is safe I jump right back into commando mode. I don't hear anymore knocking so I assume the perps have vacated the building. I rush down the five flights of stairs hoping I can catch their vehicle so that I can get the tag number. I ask the WindowNeighbor if she let the perps in the building because our building is supposed to be secured. She doesn't know who let them in or if they have left the building. So, I run outside and check for any moving cars. I don't see any with them in it. As I am heading back to my building I spot the undercover po-po vehicle. I memorize the plates. Just because they now have been i.d. as legit po-po's don't mean they ain't dirty. So I head back into my building to search for them and immediately hear them questioning someone about me. Now that part doesn't bother me because they asked everyone that opened their door if they knew me. What bothered me was the person was giving them my information.

So you know I was like WTW. I flew up them stairs like I was on the dipper. I came around that corner and stared my neighbor down. If looks could kill, I would be writing about her funeral. So this is where the real fun begins. So it appears that the dude didn't like the fact that he had to walk up and down them stairs looking for me and so he decides that he is going to try and implore intimidation tactics on me. Lawd help this fool, don't he know who I am? I ain't afraid of no po-po. STRIKE THREE

So he goes into his aggressive, angry you are going to talk to me spill. And I simply smile and say:

"Do you have a warrant?" "Am I under arrest?" "Then I don't have to talk to you at all."

The look on his face, you guessed it: PRICELESS.

So, I eventually decide to talk to them only because the chic said it was about my child. So I lead them back to my place and made them stand while they tried to assure me that everything they did was "by the book." This is how they normally notify a parent that their child needs to go to therapy. (yeah, I am sure of it) And yeah, I got a glimpse of that white sheet of paper. No name on there. Just an address with an incorrect suite number. And a home number that I had six numbers ago.

Oh, my neighbor, yeah I went back and knocked on her door and basically told her next time to shut her big trap. Good thing I don't live a life of crime cuz I would have to take her out.

"Ignorance is never bliss. Know your rights and never be afraid to exercise them. And when you feel that your rights have been violated, never be afraid to fight for them."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)


  1. Girl, this was so darn funny that I almost peed on myself reading it. Your tail is so hilarious that I might even need therapy when it's all said and done. And for the six friends who know your government name, they already know too much right there.

  2. LOL- what's a government name? Your real one? ;0)
    I'm glad it ended well....I was getting worried...........

  3. Girl you had me clutching my chest while I was reading! Why you gotta play with the cops?!?! Is you crazy?!?! I probably would have done the same thing too! But I was worried.

    Ummm that doesn't sound like the normal way parents are notified that their child needs to go therapy... What's up with the police notification?

  4. Hey ladies,

    Yeah to say the least I was not a happy camper. And I am going to report them. I wish you all could have been flies on the wall because it was hilarious. I mean the cop was so outdone... he couldn't believe that I looked him dead in the face and told him that I had no clue about who he was looking for.

    Come correct or don't come at all.

    and the six that know my name, well, one went to school with me so that wasn't my fault. one has seen my mail. one was told by the resident manager. and the other three are on our board. and yes it was the one that saw my mail that was telling it all. good thing she didn't know my social

  5. are too much, but I'm not mad at it...they were dead wrong for coming at you like that. Glad it worked out and nobody got injured or arrested. And I hope your neighbor learns to mind her business a little bit in the future.