Sunday, March 25, 2012

Starting a New Book

i love you & i've loved you for a very long time...
i was so insecure, so broken, so mad, so NOT the me that I wanted to be when i met you.
i was so angry and so down that nothing you did made my smile last or erase the feeling that i really didn't want to be around you.
i wanted to love you....i wanted to know that you would love me forever & a day
i thought that if i sexed you up good, you would stay.
but then i started hating myself because i was better than that...i'm sure you knew that
i hated you for a long time
i was so hurt and so confused ~ but once again i was trying to use sex to validate my space, confirm my place in your life.
but i am better than know that
i love you and have loved you for a long time and probably always will
sure folks know you as the store but they also know you as HIM

HIM ~ the one i think of when i am lonely
HIM ~ the one i want to run to when i am scared
HIM ~ the one i want to grow old with
HIM ~ the one i want holding my hand to the very end

i wish i could say it didn't hurt
i wish i could say that i won in the end
i wish i could say that we rode off into the sunset
i wish i could make time stand still
i wish i had seized more moments
so i would have more memories to share

but i am done looking back and analyzing this story of you and me
i can honestly say that i am finally free
i understand your season and am grateful for the lesson
i fully understand that LUV is capable of loving
and it all started with me loving ME

"Sometimes you have to give thanks even when you don't see the blessing because I know God hasn't forgotten about lil ole me."

Gotta luv moi, cuz I surely do (smooches)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

31 Day Reset ~ Day 6

I put this 'L' up on my chest...or back (cuz this is a cape and not a superhero suit)

Anywho ~ todays assignment is to write a personal mission statement..basically a one liner or more telling you and the world and most importantly who and what LUV stands for... it's so important to define yourself or you will find yourself becoming someone else #mytruth

I value love in its purest form. I love to love and want to love and be loved. I value people that choose to not only think before they speak but who just plain ole think for themselves. I value people who are genuine and loyal....who are not just getwiths and yes sirs....who will let me know when I am right and when I am wrong and love me through it all. I am a very giving person and therefore value and appreciate other giving folks, whether it is time, money, services etc I will share my story... my triumphs, my pains, my successes before I die. I will continue striving to help those around me whether they realize they need help. I will continue reinventing myself and opening myself up to new possibilities. I will not let the lizard brain win nor will I ever dim my light again. I will continue to push through my pain and step out of my own way.

31 Day Reset ~ Day 5

How does it feel... lol, okay today's challenge/assignment is to rate how well I am doing things and well yeah sometimes judging yourself will call you some discomfort and/or pain

So in the previous post I listed my values....the things that I hold near and dear to my heart.... (YAY I have a heart, I don't need to go see the Wiz)

Well I think most of the things on there causes me some moderate pain when I think about it.. all except loyalty and friendship.... I am very loyal and I do have some very fulfilling relationships and friendships..I have learned to allow folks in and KICKED them to the curb when the time has come, the difference is I don't beat myself up over it any more...

I guess sometimes you can outslick a can of oil ; )

So right now I am in the process of putting everything into motion..

I am working on finding a job while pushing my own business forward
I am loving and trusting myself more which allows for me to love and trust other folks
I am traveling even though I am working with a shoe string budget
I am consulting God before I make any sudden movement
I am living....

31 Day Reset ~ Day 4

When I am alone, with no one there, and everyone is silent and I forget that God is watching, what matters to me?

Success matters to me even though I have spent the last decade running from it..It is what I am used's what I am good at...failure is no longer an option
Money.. I want money even if it is so I can give it away
loving family, children, love, lasting friendships healthy relationships
serving and following God
peace loyalty integrity
a sense of accomplishment

It doesn't quite make sense now but it was on my heart. : )

Saturday, March 3, 2012

31 Day Reset ~ Day 3

Dear Luv,

I am so proud of you. Life has beat you every which way but look at you, you still going, you are still pushing and moving out of your own way! I love it and I love you. I am so impressed with the ease you have handled everything coming down the pike and how you have managed to see the silver lining in everything. : ) #yougogirl

I love the way you have decluttered your home, organizing and getting rid of stuff that you don't need. I love how you have realized that you have done all you can with your niece and understanding that peace in your home will result in peace in other areas of your life.

I love the way you have stepped out on faith, grinded and move your business to being a top 500 bakery. Now everyday truly is Yummytastic.

I love how you are finally using that JD degree to not only make money but help those in need at the same time.

I love how you have managed to triple your earnings in just a short time. Keep building that nest egg and also continue to help those in need.

I love how you are taking control of your mental and emotional well-being. I appreciate the boundaries you have put up and aI applaud you for making the hard decisions to boot some of the toxic people out of your life. It may hurt now but in the long run it will cause you nothing but joy.

I love how you are so affectionate with your son and supportive. He truly knows that you love him. He's a mama's boy for life : )

I love how you are really working to heal the past wounds and on letting go and letting God take care of those things that you cannot control. It's a constant battle but you are doing GREAT!!!

Your life is so much better now and it’s all because of your hard work. Keep it up!

And remember, I LOVE YOU even when you are less than stellar,


31 Day Reset ~ Day 2

My life.. the good, the bad, the in-between

  • Lifestyle I am not happy with how I am house is in disarray... there is no peace in my house...I have found myself slipping in and out of depression which is normal for me around this time BUT I am choosing to put an end to that this year... I feel cramped and closed in
  • Work ~ funny last time I did this I wasn't happy because I couldn't wear my happy socks... well I have been self-employed since October when my contract ended...I need to get things in order so I can track my revenue
  • Education ~ I like school and my academic achievements
  • Finances~ we getting by on a prayer BUT my GOD is the Almighty and I haven't missed a beat
  • Health ~ I am not happy with my current health situation... I am under a lot of stress from being self-employed with two other mouths to feed. There is always bickering and fighting going on.... it's making me not want to get up in the morning.... but I am pushing through it
  • Family ~ I have to work at showing my son I love him more openly... I have to make him understand that I don't want him to be perfect, I just want him to try his best every time
  • Relationships ~ I am working on the most important relationship right now...the one with me and God and me and myself... I am so in love with myself that it's down right embarrassing BUT if I don't trust and love myself, how can I expect anyone else to do it or recognize it when it is being done?
I will do better, there's nothing left to do but to do it : )

31 Day Reset ~ Day 1

I have been here before and I am well past tired of coming here...
The perfect storm... it can make me a victim or a survivor
I choose I choose to be the captain of my vessel and will live life accordingly, with purpose and direction while loving even in the midst of chaos

Today's assignment was to choose a mantra and well the thing screaming from my soul right now is "Live Laugh Love" and so that is what I plan to do in the 2012

My song was actually posted on my facebook page a couple of days ago by a friend that knew that I was being beaten upside, rightside, bottomside of my head and yeah it basically sums up everything about me at this present time

I Got this cuz God's got Me #Ijustgot2believe

Oh, my notebook, you are on it #welcome : )