Friday, November 4, 2011

Almost Full Bloom

i remember when one of my readers commented that even though i was smiling, my eyes were crying.. *well that's what she meant even if she didn't say it like that* and she was right.

my eyes could no longer mask the turmoil of my soul. my despair. my depression. my downward spiral. my silent cry for help.

i wore many masks to shield me from any more hurt and pain BUT the masks only kept my tears from falling cuz the hurt and pain kept coming

and coming

and coming....

there were times where i tried to will myself to eternal sleep... i was done. i had fought the fine fight.. i had lost and i was okay with defeat...i just wanted it to end. i didn't want any more...there was no more fight in me

or so i thought

i am the descendant of the best of the best of the best cuz the weaker ones perished on the ship

all my life i have had to fight

life for me aint been no crystal nor no hardwood stair

and well when i was at my breaking point i remembered that i was perfectly imperfect and that God didn't make me to be broken.

yes, i was tired BUT was i so tired that i would finally stop trying to do it my way?

i had tried it my way for years and it hadn't fared well for me

so i decided to give God another go...

you know to rely on faith and let HIM fight my battles

you know HE can move mountains

and well like my natural hair journey,

the initial process was rocky and downright scary,
but the more i let go, the more i began to find my comfort zone and my peace
the more i was able to shed my outer layers and let love in
and out.
my tears flow freely now and well i am ok with that cuz
when i smile now, my eyes smile too

"i planted a new seed and allowed God to water it, now i am sitting back and watching it grow'

Gotta luv moi, cuz i surely do~ Smooches