Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Today was the day...
The beginning of the rest of my life
I won't lie, writing those letters were hard for me... but it felt so good to write 'love Mommy' on the outside of them because that is what I was, their mommy....even after the doctors told me I could and would never conceive, even after everyone told me that I should get rid of them...even after they were no longer with me...I was their mommy and i loved them every second they were with me
I wanted to send the balloons up with the letters but they were acting like a paperweight... so my cousin will burn them.
Melancholy was the feeling that overcame me when it was time to release the balloons...I picked the spot where I had told my back 13years ago that I was raped....he was the one that walked me to the hospital...it made sense to free myself there because that's kinda where it all started to unravel.
I let them go together...but they didn't float up together or right next to each other...it was interesting to watch their ascent
After some minutes, I couldn't see them any more...i cried but then i reminded myself that even though I couldn't see them, they were still there...still floating along...just like my babies...they are still here with me in my heart.
I stood suspended in time squinting trying to spot them and then I turned back to my car and tossed some shoes I was going to get the heels fixed on. I was done holding on to things it was time for me to let go of...life was about transitions and getting rid of the old to make for the new.
i have a feeling the new me is going to need a whole lot of space
"the healing begins the moment you confront the very thing that is hurting you...heres to finally removing the bandaids"