Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Balloons Up

Today was the day...
The beginning of the rest of my life
I won't lie, writing those letters were hard for me... but it felt so good to write 'love Mommy' on the outside of them because that is what I was, their mommy....even after the doctors told me I could and would never conceive, even after everyone told me that I should get rid of them...even after they were no longer with me...I was their mommy and i loved them every second they were with me

I wanted to send the balloons up with the letters but they were acting like a paperweight... so my cousin will burn them.

Melancholy was the feeling that overcame me when it was time to release the balloons...I picked the spot where I had told my back 13years ago that I was raped....he was the one that walked me to the made sense to free myself there because that's kinda where it all started to unravel.

I let them go together...but they didn't float up together or right next to each was interesting to watch   their ascent

After some minutes, I couldn't see them any more...i cried but then i reminded myself that even though I couldn't see them, they were still there...still floating along...just like my babies...they are still here with me in my heart.

I stood suspended in time squinting trying to spot them and then I turned back to my car and tossed some shoes I was going to get the heels fixed on. I was done holding on to things it was time for me to let go was about transitions and getting rid of the old to make for the new.

i have a feeling the new me is going to need a whole lot of space

"the healing begins the moment you confront the very thing that is hurting you...heres to finally removing the bandaids"


  1. Please forgive me, for being absent....this touch of cancer I have has been beating my tail. I got here with a lot of hard work, prayer, and a strong support system... it was a long time coming but it was so freeing to actually get there and I can't wait until I get there with the other stuff I am holding on too