Tuesday, January 26, 2010

This Child of Mine

Well it would seem that I have created a lil opinionated, self-expressive, stubborn monster.

So today I had to have the meeting with the Powers to Be at my child's school. He had been suspended for fighting his teacher, his vice principal, and his principal.

Did I mention that he is six and in the 1st grade? I mean Lawd Have Mercy what's a mama to do? to say? I mean at what point did he realize that this would not end up very well for him?

It's funny because when I called ICE and told him he said, "That is your child," and I am thinking what in the hamsammich is that supposed to mean....I ain't never been suspended from school for fighting my teacher and principals (notice, I did not say that I ain't never been suspended)

And when I told his Gams, she was like,"He a chip off the old block huh...he lil Mike Tyson...I bet they won't mess with him again." And once again I say, I was not a bad child. I was simply misunderstood and had they seen it my way things would had fared better for all involved. Hmph.

But the more I sat there and listened to his teacher explain the things that this lil boy does in class, the more I heard my inner voice saying,"Lawd, that is your child, he is like a miniature you." And well, that's not a bad thing but it's not a good thing either.

See, I ain't 6 and when I was six, I did as I was told whether I had an opinion on the matter or not. I may not like it but I did not always feel the need to express my disapproval with the situation right then and there. I was more of a planner. A get backer. I wasn't defiant (okay I was) but I wasn't disrespectful (okay sometimes but I was semi-grown). This lil boy here, if he feels that he has been wronged, he is going to plead his case until someone, anyone sees his point of view AND if no one sees it his way, he is not going to move on from the situation. He is going to emotional shut down.

So what am I to do? I mean in actuality, I created him to be exactly the way he is. I didn't treat him as if he was my property or an animal. I have always asked him what he thought about certain things and tried to train him to process things in a certain manner. However, I never really explained to him that just because I asked for his feelings on a certain matter, it didn't mean that I actually cared about what he was saying (does this sound harsh). I mean he is a child and I am an adult and frankly I do not want to hear feedback on everything I have told him to do. Do it and go tell your imaginary friends your gripes. Journal it. I don't care. But don't keep coming to tell me how you did not like that when I whooped you that I hurt your hand or that you don't think it's fair that you can't have water after a certain time because people need water to grow. I don't care!

It would appear that he has gotten my universal "I am not really listening to what you are saying but I do not want to be rude and tell you to put a sock in it nod" confused with my "I am listening and I care nod."

So I am sitting up in this meeting listening and I really want to reach over and shake his teacher. Now I know why this boy suddenly thinks our household is a democracy. She allows him to decide when he is going to participate in class or do his assignments. Hannah say what say what (I hate Disney Channel)! You allow a 6 year old mini-me decide when he is going to follow instructions? He is 6 with the thinkings of Pinky and the Brain. He wants to take over the world. He mastered the art of manipulation before he was 2 ( I kid you not). So when you stated to me that sometimes you think he is taking advantage of you, I say, "Um, you think?!?"

But the issue is this: We have a lil boy who is well advanced emotionally and even intellectually but socially he is a mess. How do we deal with him? How do we find a medium without crushing his thirst for knowledge and his assertiveness? I mean I want my child to think for himself and to be a leader not a follower BUT I also want my child to be obedient and do as he is told when he is told. Sounds like an oxymoron.

My child has watched me all of his life and well I do things quite differently. I have a gift for making it do what it do with what I have. He doesn't understand that everyone cannot go into Chucky Cheese with $5 bucks and a coupon with 5 kids and leave with everyone being fed and with a decent toy stuffed under their arms. He doesn't understand that when someone tells me something that I don't like or don't think is fair that I have earned the right to voice my opinions and give them my behind to kiss because I pay the bills (when I pay them) and the deed is in my name. He doesn't understand that at 6 he cannot freely voice his opinions with any and everyone. He doesn't understand that at 6, he cannot take matters into his own hand.

Yes, I have pushed my son and made him more independent than most 6 year-olds because well, I had to and because I wanted to. I am a single parent and I do not have time to be washing him up and dressing him until he is 10. I cannot cater to his every beck and call and even if I could, I would not. I do not want a Mama's Boy. I don't. I don't want to marry one and I do not want to raise one. I want to know that if I died right now that this boy can pretty much fend for himself. That he can count his money and see people for who they are...I don't want him believing everything people are throwing out at him...I want him questioning and researching what they are saying...BUT I want it done within reason.

I don't want him thinking that he has had a stellar day and therefore his teacher should have also picked him to go watch Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs and since she has evidently overlooked him that he is going to make it his business to go rectify the situation by walking out of class and going to watch the movie that he has already seen about 25 times. And then when he is approached about it, he gets all huffy and starts fighting them and tells them to move out of his way, get off of him cuz he is going home. And not processing it to the point to understand that he really doesn't want to be coming home to me after having that type of day.

So, they have decided to talk to CQP and develop a behavior plan for him. This should be good because CQP dotes on my child and thinks that even when he shows his entire behind that it is okay because he is a person and he has feelings and he has the right to express them. (smile) They are going to reward him for good behavior. Nice. Especially seeing that he is typically on Yellow (the highest mark you can receive for behavior) everyday. So he should be raking in the prizes...

I say they need to go ahead and scan my child's head and see if one of his wires have shorted out or something. Seriously, how does a behavioral plan work for someone who has behavioral issues once every 4 months or more? It's like putting a person who typically gets straight A's on an academic improvement plan after they flunk one test. It doesn't really address the issue(s).

Anywho, I don't think Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs is still on my child's must see list.

"Being a parent is hard work. Some days you will get it right and other days, well, you will wish your little bundle of joy had come with an instruction manual and an on and off switch. No matter how you feel, know tasing is never an option ; -) "

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)


  1. Ok, this is my opinion and it's only an opinion. Like you said, you are the parent. That's enough said right there. I'm not going to say what you should or should not do, but I do highly recommend teaching him before the streets teach him. I know he's 6 but their brain takes in sooooo much and they learn the bad stuff and throw out the good stuff. Whoop his tail, then whoop it again and repeat as necessary...I'm just saying...

  2. @ QueenBee,

    Trust that tail got whooped. But, whoopings aren't always the answer with every child and this child of mine, whoopings are gonna stop phasing him. I have to figure out how to make something click in his head. He is like me and for me whoopings didn't mean anything...whoop me just don't yell at me. yelling hurt more than whoopings.

    i whooped him and grounded him and i talked to him. but he is still very stuck on "i was good b4 that happened" so in his mind he is like i was wronged, i should have been picked because i was good and i have to help him understand LIFE AIN'T FAIR you gonna have days like this..i have to figure out how to help him see that the world is not just 2 sided...

    did you go through this with your son?