Are not in a fortune cookie.
Nor in a tarot card.
It's not inscribed in the palm of my hand.
Or written on my forehead.
For the answers I seek, I already know and have for some time now.
Knowledge has never been my problem. I have and will continue to read and pick the brains of those before me. Knowledge I have an abundance of...... So what pray tell is my problem?
What good is the knowledge if you won't apply it?!?!
So when I asked him if he loved her and he hesitated and said, "No." I already knew that he didn't but he was quickly falling. So when I asked him if he was still in love with me and he hesitated and said, "I don't know." I already knew that he was but that he had been slowly falling out when he stopped calling.
I've known what it took to be a "good" Christian all of my life but it took some 15 years for me to get it right.
I've known for some time what I needed to do to turn my life upside right and well I have hemmed and hawed and hawed and hemmed until I was blue in the face.
Today I mused about a lot of things I have been avoiding by searching for it's answer when deep down I knew I already knew the answer...I just didn't want to deal with the solution because it made me uncomfortable or afraid. The answer would force me to alter the way I had been doing things for the last decade, and in some cases longer.
Today I had a chat with a fella who I guess is crushing on me. He stated that he did not want to pursue anything with anyone right now because he is not the man that he wants to be (sounds familiar??); he said that he is still trying to heal himself: emotionally, mentally, and spiritually; he states he needs to do this in order to be the man his woman would want and need him to be.
And I had to stifle back a laugh. Not because what he said was funny but because what he said had exposed me. And it forced me to acknowledge the fact that I already knew: That Luv needed to fully love herself and get herself together before she would be able to be the woman her man would need her to be and until that time I would keep attracting men that were willing to try to love me but couldn't fully love me because they had not reconciled their issues yet.
The fella went on to say that if he attempted to try and start anything with me or anyone else that it would all be a lie because he knew he didn't have his stuff together and he would be fronting like he did to woo me.
I remember early on in mine in Safeway's actual relationship, pondering whether we were attracted to each other because we both thought we were ready for love and on the surface we were but deep down we were not. I remember thinking: If this is the real deal, you need to address some things before they blow up. Fast forward 3 years later and you got a Kaboom and a Kabam.
The same with my health, I knew that I had been neglecting myself and that there were certain things that I needed to do and stop doing and well now look at me, I am turning into the tinman.
I know that I can't expect people to love me if I do not love myself and proof that I love myself is by taking care of me: the emotional, spiritual, and physical me.
Evidence of my application: It's taking me 10 years but I finally talk things out with a semi-professional (hi CQP), it's taking me um I don't know how long, but I am resolved to let God guide my steps, and I have decided to cut out pork and beef and baking soda from my diet (shut up mcfly).
Results: Hmph, you will just have to try it for yourself to understand my new swag.
"Some answers we seek we will never find until we stop to look within. Knowledge is only power if we use it. Applying what we learn or what we know often times may be hard, it may hurt, or break someone's heart, but in the end, application is what separates the boys from the men...or in my case the girls from the grown women."
Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)