Friday, January 8, 2010

Just Spit It Out and Let's Be Done With It!!!

Lawd, I am soooo tired of going to these doctors appointments.

I mean if I am dying, just say so. I am a big girl, I can take it.

I mean today the Dr. said, "well if these lab reports are correct you have a serious degenerative disease that is accelerated, so we are going to repeat the test."

What in the hamsandwich? I ain't trying to repeat the test. I just want to know what I got and if it is life threatening, how long I got. And of all the tests that we could repeat, she wants me to get electrocuted again. I mean can't a sistah get a break?

They gonna drive a sistah to drink. And if I ain't got much time left, might as well smoke and get high. (j/k)

And then out of no where tonight, I just broke down and cry. Now, I don't think I looked as "handsome" as this young lady right here, but I am sure I was a sight.

I cried for everything and for nothing at all.

I cried because I was finally making progress.

Then I cried because i was like what if it's too little too late.

Then I cried cuz I hate Safeway....and becuz I wasted my love on him.

Then it was cuz I think this dude was trying to ask me out today and he seems to be a really nice guy BUT I don't think I would really try with him...I think I would just settle and be content if he loved me and my child. CUZ love is really over-rated when you get right down to it.

Then I was crying over my emotional child, Chucky who really wants to kill Chucky's Bride.

Then I was just crying cuz I couldn't feel my toes or my hands....

And just as suddenly as it started, it stopped. Kinda like the snow this morning.

There is so many things that I am doing that I want to see to it's completion...but if not, I can honestly say that I am so proud of the changes I have made thus far. I am so proud that I have not given up on myself. I am so proud that I know that love does exist and sometimes you may only get the love you need and deserve from the God above and from yourself.

"Never miss an opportunity to change for the better. It'll make an impact long after you are gone."

Gotta Love Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)


  1. Just another spanner in the works- eh? Never rains but it pours. I hope it's not what they think. Get those tests redone because you can't have this hanging over your head as well. Thinking of you, now take care. xxx

  2. I'm like you, heck just say it. If you think I'm ugly, just say it. You might get punched in the face but at least you've said what's on your mind.

  3. @ Chic Mama...yeah I will be retesting next week. So I definitely will be letting you guys know

    @ QueenBEE
    lmbo! i know that's right. heck they can even send me a text or something if they think i am going to kirk out on them.