Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Green Eyed

My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend
My eyes are green
Cause I eat a lot of vegetables
It don't have nothing to do with your new friend

Usually, I have red eyes, or purple, or light brown, but there are occasions when my eyes are GREEN...w/ ENVY??? or JEALOUSY???? not sure, I just know I get this feeling in my stomach, you know the feeling you have before you get on the mega coaster? And I start doubting myself, wondering if my ba-dunk needs to bigger, or my boobs, or my legs, or if my hair should be combed differently (most days people are just glad that it's comb), and I am wondering if he looking at her, or if she likes hanging out with them better... you know the usually foolishness.

Today I went to see an old friend perform and I have to be honest, I was scared. I knew that He would be there and that meant all the girls that were trying to get at him when we were together would be there, and well I almost chickened out. It was just too much pressure of showing up and being fly enough to be noticed but not look like I had actually tried to get noticed. I mean, what did it matter, we weren't together, why did I need his eyes to become cemented on me the minute I walked in?

Well, it's probably because I adored being noticed by him. Loved the way he looked at me with longing in his eyes. Loved the way he dressed, yeah he always used to jock my fresh. It was just something to have one of the flyest guys come up to you and embrace you in a hug that always lingered too long.

Then there was that nagging voice in the back of my head asking me the question that I did not know the answer to: What if his new girl is there? How you gonna act? How you gonna feel? I mean realistically, all them other gurls hold the same position I hold...has been. (I just look better than them...well, I do)

I was torn... I wanted to go because since we have known each other, I have never missed one of his local performances...BUT, I would be traveling solo for this event unlike the other times when my girls came for moral support. So what's a girl to do?

Do I go or do I hide stay home?

Well, like I told you, I am ready for love and I decided that if I was going to do this, that I was going to give 100% and let them green eyed bodysnatchers fall by the wayside. So, I changed into the first thing I laid my hands on which just so happened to be this fabulous sun dress that shows off my shapely shape when the wind blows just right.

I stopped past my girl house, hoping that she was dressed (she wasn't). I still needed some moral support. I thought of calling this guy that had been trying to get at me for a minute, but I didn't think that would play out very well.

So I drove up to the spot where they were performing and the tightening of my body let me know that He was near. I looked and saw that he was posted outside the door. I doubled around to get a better look at him and to determine how I felt about him. I parked my car and rolled up to the door only to notice my homie from wayback. We got to shooting the breeze and low and behold, I forgot how nervous I was and why. I peeped as the girls came up and batted their eyes at him and my stomach remain steady. It did not do a nose dive to my toes.

I went in and took a seat in the back to take it all in...and I was fine... my heart was beating normal and I wasn't sweating. I saw this chick get really close to him and nothing.. None of the nonsense that used to cloud my thinking even appeared. I did not feel self-conscious or even the least bit ugly. I was FIERCE and they knew it...he knew it and most importantly, I knew it.

"So, if you are fighting with low self-esteem, body image, or just simply think that you are not good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough, I am here to tell you that you are. And the sooner you get out of your head, the sooner you will realize it and watch how the world follows. Get up and go to the mirror and tell yourself, I am the best thing walking (um after MOI ofcourse ; ) )"
~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Sure Do (Smooches)
(i posted this last night but it did not come thru so I will double post today)


  1. That's what you got to tell yourself everyday, "I got every reason to believe I'm that . . .woman"

    We all get those moments when we question if we are fine enough, built right, smart. It is key not to deal on it.

    I love when I look my best and see someone from my past. . it kicks my ego into overdrive.

    I am glad you were the fiercest of them all :)

  2. Lol I'm sorry girl...part of me thought you might have needed some support, and the other part thought it was something you just wanted to handle, roll through and roll out on your own...i'll be more prepared next time. You did look AMAZING though!

  3. @True Urban Queen,

    Girl and I honestly had to start going to mirror and saying "im smarter enough, im pretty enuf and dog on it, people like me."

    At the end of the day, I am realizing no one can make me feel less than unless I allow it.

  4. @Anon,

    lmbo, it was cool. i did want you to come, you should have came it was pure d comedy... i smoke grass i smoke trees i smoke weed i am the teddybear!1!! (don't get me started)

    But, i think it was something that i needed to do on my own. i needed to stop hiding behind things and people. i was cool. i had fun. and i didn't trip off him. so it's all gravy..

    we will have to get up and do a real girls night