Monday, February 15, 2010

Know Your Lane, And Stay In IT!! Part 1

Because typically when you jump out of it, this is what is bound to be the end result.

So, my MOTHER is in town, coming to check on Chucky's Bride to make sure I don't have her locked in a closet or under Chucky's bed. And for those of you that know me personally, you know how I do love my mother. (for those of you who don't know me, I'm being facetious)

It's funny because her son called her last night because he had Lenny Williams in the car and he had him sing to her. On her son's fb page this morning he wrote how that was his highlight, making his mother happy. (hopping to get my emergency gag bucket.)

I'm sorry, I ain't gonna lie, cuz lying just ain't me. I don't wear it well...and when I try to wear it, I break out. I was ready for my Mother to leave before she even got here. She just brings so much unnecessary drama. I mean really, I told you Chucky wasn't here and he would be back when he got back on Monday. Don't keep harassing me with the whining about when is he coming back...cuz I may just make it the day after you leave.

So, my Mother is one of those people that likes to jump out of her lane without signaling and without given the nod that she can infringe upon your right-away. And I am one of those people who will lay on the horn and smash right into you..if my babies aren't in the car. Don't need to give them any more reason to whine.

It's interesting because I have been chatting with some Fb'ers and some other peeps and it seems like 'Tis Ta Season to forget your place. I am a firm believer that everyone has a place/role in life and at many times we may play several roles simultaneously...the confusion and chaos begins when we start toeing the line of a role that has not been given to us. When we start driving in someone else's lane.

My mother is my mother solely because she birth me. She did not raise me. She did not nurture me. She did not protect me. She did not teach me the things I needed to know to survive in this crazy world. HOWEVER, she did make sure I had access to the world and therefore, I was able to see that the way I was living wasn't the way everybody was living and that gave me HOPE and for that I will always be grateful.

So, she comes here and starts disrupting my program with the girl. Um, her bedtime is ifs ands or buts or you can kindly pack her back up with you and take her back. I guess the thing that frustrates me the most about my mother is that she doesn't contribute but she is always taking away or making it harder for me.

So my child comes in and he is whining so he gets sent to his room. I don't want to hear that crap. So, I tell him that he can come out when he is done with his nonsense. But, because he so busy whining and crying from delirium he doesn't hear me. So he gets agitated again and starts crying and whining loudly. So I get agitated and picks up the belt. (now mind you, I wasn't going to whoop him because he was too tired to be whooped...I was just using it to remind him that if he got any more out of hand I was going to have to put the leather down) She wants to know why I sent him to his room. I do not respond. So when he finally emerges out of his room my mother wants to baby him and undermine my authority. So we go through this power, err struggle? Not sure if that is the right word because I am the law when it comes to my child, no struggle there. I tell him to sit in a specific chair and she tries to get him to move and sit where she is. See my child is crazy but he ain't that crazy. I may be hop-a-long but he knew that I probably wouldn't have needed them crutches to get to him if he had moved one inch off that chair. So then she starts trying to bribe and baby him. I just look at him. She asks me why was I fussing at him. I just look at him. She asks him why I am fussing at him. I just look at him. She asks him why did he go with his cousin when he knew she was coming in town. I just look at him. She asks him what's wrong with my foot. I just look at him. My child never responds because he knows that I am very serious about certain things and staying in his lane is one of them.

My child is just that: a child. He is not my father. He is not my man. He is not even "the man of my house." He is a little boy that can barely pee straight. He will not provide any information about me or on me without prior verbal consent. He will not disregard what I have said because someone else tells him differently, unless he is in danger.

My mother does not get that she is my child's grandmother, nothing more and nothing less. That she cannot supersede anything that I say. That she is not privy to any and all information. That she does not have a right to know why I discipline him. That I do not have to have him home simply because she is visiting. That if I say he can't have it and can't do it, that that is my FINAL ANSWER. If I say he doesn't need it, please don't buy it because I will donate it or keep it boxed up for years. I am sure she wondering where his drum set is.

I don't do this to be mean. I do this to set boundaries. If you chose not to recognize or respect them, that is on you. I told her that both Chucky and Chucky's Bride needed shoes. Nothing more nothing less. She came back with dishes for them and clothes and toys and no shoes.... Most of the stuff she has wasted on her money will stay boxed up...I don't have the room. I have enough clutter going on to add to it.

So before she came I told her not to buy Chucky any more Wii games because he can't even play the ones he has. So she told him, she was gonna get him the games anyway. Well she can and they will sit there. So right now she is at Toys R Us and she wants to know if Chucky can have a bike and if Chucky's Bride has x,y,z. And I am like no and they don't need it. So she wants to whine about why they can't have it and I lost it.

I wanted to say 'because I said so'...ain't that what she used to tell me when I was growing up? But instead I pointed out the obvious to her: He doesn't need a bike because he has a motorized motorcycle that he doesn't even use because he can't carry it up and down the stairs and neither can I. He has no room. He doesn't need it. She shares my room. It's my room, I don't want any more kid junk in my room. She has enough junk in there. It is a 2 bedroom condo that I clean up. Chucky cleans his room but I always have to go behind him and redo something. Don't bring any junk in here! (sadly, I know they will come with some junk and I will do what I need to do to it when it gets here)

It's like when he was born and she came to visit. I told her I didn't want any visitors. She said I needed the help. So instead of offering to wash some of his clothes or the dishes or straighten up, she kept trying to take him from me while I was feeding or washing him. I guess that would free me up so that I could do all the washing, cooking and cleaning..

So here it is that I am on crutches and have been house bound with both of them for a week straight and you come and want to go shopping and want to leave Chucky's Bride with, that's a nogo. You ain't picked up a broom, a mop a sponge to clean anything. You haven't even attempted to bathe or dress or feed your 2 year old granddaughter since you have been here but you think you have a right to comment about something I am doing.

Man umph that and prepare for impact!

"We all have a role to play in life. And it can be a very fulfilling and satisfying role if we stayed in our role/character. The problem with this is, someone almost always wants to play the leading role when they have been given the job of the supporting actor. It just won't work."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)


  1. WOW! That's some relationship you have with your mother. And this is why my mother and I do not and will not ever live in the same state. When my mum was here, she took over my house moving things around, cleaning as if my house was a mess, and just making comments about this and that.

    I've laid down the law with her and anyone else for that matter that how I raise MY child is how I raise MY child. Don't get me wrong, if she's acting up or needs to be spoken to; that's fine, but no one has and will ever spank her. Hell, she's damn near 18 now, so there's really no need to anyone to say ish to me anyway. My house; my rules.

    Yes, everyone has their role and they need to stay in their lane as a result of their role.

    Hugs to you sweetie, because I know you need one.

    It's all possible

  2. All I can say is, "oh wow." "oh snap." should I say more!

  3. thanks guys...she left today so i can woosah. one day i will be able to change the dynamics of our relationship but she has to understand that just because she birthed me doesn't make her my mother... she ain't put in the work and therefore she cannot expect to reap the benefits of my personal endeavors. becuz even though i control the dynamics now to make sure no one is adversely affected in my house, it still comes at a great cost to me..i hate having to have my guard up in my own house

  4. I was going to say I hope you're getting through it okay but I see she's gone already. Mother/daughter relationships are so difficult at the best of times.
    I have tagged you over at mine, if you fancy doing then good...if not don't worry. I know they can be a pain sometimes. XX

  5. @ Chic Mama...i will check it out and do it..i am sure it will be a stress reliever..

    it's a shame that mothers and daughters can't get along.