Saturday, February 20, 2010

Do Not Pass Go

Go directly to jail!

So we all know that if you will lie, you will cheat, if you cheat you will steal, and if you steal you will kill.

Well, if something happens to me, that child of mine has done it.

Because he Lied about something...can't quite remember right now...he just confessed to Cheating on his test at school...and the day before that he Stole from RiteAid....

So the only thing left on his list is to Kill.

And since his last words to me was that he wanted 'another mama that wouldn't try to take him to jail' I am sure I will be his first target.

That's right, I took his hindparts to jail and had the officer come out and scare the begeebees out of him. This little criminal in training stole some chocolate from the store, which he is allergic to, and hid it until he had a chance to get it out of the house undetected. Problem was, he didn't bank on leaving his lunchbox upstairs and he didn't bank on me opening it up after I had already closed it.

Then this lil midget wants to play word games with me and be all specific and technical. He bets to be glad that I know the demons that lie within me and that I didn't grab hold to him while I was mad.

"Where did you get this from?"


"Did you steal this?"

"I dunno."

"What do you mean you don't know..did you put this in your pocket and not pay for it?"

"No, I put it in my hand first and then in my pocket."

"Did you pay for it?"

"No, because it was in my pocket."

Lord, Father, Jehovah, you truly are a powerful God because the only reason that child of mine can walk today is because I know that there are many days that you probably want to have an angelic foot, lighting bolt, a huge hail ball hit me right smack dab in my forehead, BUT you don't because you are loving and do not change even when I act a fool up in here.

So, I call my ICE and breakdown. I call CQP and tell him. I text Jill Scott and tell her. I am at a lost. I don't know really what I can do differently. I mean enough is enough. I will not put money on his canteen. I will not write him. I will not visit him. I will not stop living if he gets locked up. I mean he needs to understand all of this now. I will not go to court and tell the Judge it wasn't him. I will not cover for him. I will not make excuses. I have a cousin that got locked up at the age of 10...I bet his mama wishes she would have paid attention to the early signs.

So, I spent the entire day at the hospital stressing. I felt the tears swell up in my chest. I wanted to let them out, but they would not fall. I had to do something. I had to make this boy understand that what he did was serious and that I would not stand by and condone his activity.

So after spending a shift in the hospital waiting to get various test ran on me because we still don't know what's wrong with me, I came up with an answer. I was going to take this little boy to jail. He big and bad enough to do the crime, let's see if he man enough to do the time. Hmph.

I wish I had taped it. It was pure comedy. I picked him up from school and talked to him calmly about his actions. I asked him what happens when you steal. "You go to jail." See, he had the knowledge, now it was just time for him to see application of it. I didn't say anything else to him. We went and picked up that little girl and they were in the back going back and forth and I was in the front getting my Alicia Keys on. I pulled up in front of 4D and this joker went slam off.

"Aww MAN! I gots to go to jail? You taking me to jail? I don't want to go to jail!" He starts wailing and so does the girl. Not sure why she crying. I get out the car and tell him that I will be right back. I go into the station explain my situation and how he really doesn't believe that he will go to jail because he is a kid. (this ain't his first time stealing) So I come back to my car, alone and start it up so I can continue singing "That's how strong my love is...." while I wait for the cop to get his coat and whatnot. So he comes and knocks on the window and opens the door and before he says anything, the child is screaming and crying and wringing his hands. I am in the front cracking up.

The cop pulled out his handcuffs and was like, "You know what these are? Stop you know what these are? You stealing from Rite Aid? You want me to lock you up? You gonna steal again? You sure cuz if so I am gonna come and I am going to put you in jail and you don't want to see what jail is...." My child's response to every question was, "I don't want to go to jail!" Funny thing is, the cop looked like he was about to cry when he walked time I gots to get a lady cop.

So, all the way to Olive Garden, he cries and screams about how stupid he is that he was about to go to jail for stealing something stupid...then he states how he wants a new mama who won't send him to jail. I could've stated how I wanted a new son who wouldn't fight their teachers, cuss out people, and steal from RiteAid, but instead, I kept singing my song.

"I love my son, God knows I do, but I will not turn a blind eye to anything that he does. My love for him is strong, even if it has been shaken, and it is that love that will see him through this rough spell cause lawd knows he won't be stealing again, or at least for a very long time."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)


  1. Girrrrllll, I cracked all the way up on this one. Good for you. High five to you chic. I bet Jill Scott told you to do it, cause that's exactly what I would have done. That was better than a butt whipping. Another high five to you. I wish I could do it in person.

  2. This was the cutest post. I really enjoyed reading it though I am sure it was stressful. Kids will kill you . . I mean stress will :)

    You did a wonderful thing because I would rather scare him straight now then have him calling crying from prison cause he scared and still got 20 years to go.

    He will thank you one day.

  3. You are an awesome mother. Good for you!

  4. thank you guys...and let me tell you that 3 days later when i picked him up from school he started crying again that he didn't want to go to jail... i was like what? did you steal something today? and he was like no, but you got that look on your face when you took me to jail. so it definitely left an impression on him.

  5. Too damn funny! I must remember that one in case my little knuckle head loses his damn mind one day! LMAO!

  6. i am telling u, it has worked... he even having nightmares that he is going to jail...any time we pass a cop and i make eye contact he gets nervous... sometimes u just have to get in touch with your crazy side, good thing i don't keep that side tucked so deeply within