It's my private thoughts.
Cuz I have realized that sometimes it's not the enemy but the "inner-me" (borrowed from one the beautiful bloggers on here) that is the problem.
Negative thinking. Negative cycles. Negative people. Create Negative Energy.
Each day I get up and I assess my progress or lack thereof. I try to be as honest as I can be, cuz as sure as the truth will set you free, it shall also hurt. So somedays, I have to be honest-like with myself.
But one of the things I pride myself about is the breaking free of the negative people that were around me. Everything about them, I despised, but I found myself drawn to them at the same time. They always were talking about somebody or something like their stuff was airtight, when it wasn't...matter of fact their stuff was glued to the fan. Ever since I gave them the deuces and permission to kiss my royal black behind, I have been on an upward path.
Still there are negative behaviors or patterns that I have developed during that period that I cannot shake. Like, the negative thought pattern. 90% of the time I think people who come up and compliment me are full of it ~ why, cuz I saw them compliment people on something that they were just dogging out.
"I don't know why she gots on those clothes, makes her look like a d#$^ fool... Girl, I love your outfit where you get it?"
I have a hard time trusting guys because I have seen the game men will spit to cover their tracks. I on several occasions listened as dudes lied to their significant others about their whereabouts...I mean unless my bedroom looked like a gym or a firehouse...there was no limits to these dudes lies. (but that's another story for another day)
So CQP has been on me about negative cycles which I guess he is talking about negative thinking about how I start at Point A: He is not into me right now and arrive at Point B: He never loved me.
And well how do you stop thinking that when you call someone and they don't pick up that they don't want to talk to you...that they looking at the phone waiting for it to stop ringing...or when you send a text to your man and don't get one in return that your man's with somebody else? Or when you throw a party and right before the first guest shows up, stop thinking that no one's going to come or that the party's going to be a disaster?
I have to admit that with the hand I have been dealt that I often skip the "hope for the best" and just automatically "plan for the worse." But, I am thinking that it's time for me to adjust my thinking because always being in survival mode is draining. And honestly, you miss out on a lot of good always looking for the bad.
"There's enough badness in the world that one doesn't need to search for it, living your life searching and planning for the worse, is no life at all...spend your time seeking the less obvious like good ol' fashion agape love"