Thursday, August 5, 2010

Stepping Pass Uncomfortable

So I stood at the edge of the not like these fools. I stood at an edge where if I stumbled, got woozy, tripped, or just plain on fainted, somebody, anybody could possibly have a chance of reaching over and saving me.

I am was afraid of heights. Something I inherited from my mother...and when I say inherited, I mean thrust upon me; I think the same way it was thrust upon her and so on and so forth.

Well, let me tell you, when I got off that bus and stood at the edge and look out into the Grand Canyon, I was in was humbling...but then as I began to walk the path, I began to hear a voice in the back of my head tell me that I wasn't safe and that I should be scared... and with each step up the trail, it whispered that I should not only be scared but that I should be PETRIFIED... and well for a moment ( a good moment) I listened to this voice and I started feeling my legs get weak and I retreated off the path into the woods...guess what, this put me higher than when I was just walking the path...there was a point where I was actually on all four (praying nobody photographed me). And then it happened...

Girl the voice started screaming 'you gonna fall, your child gonna fall, everybody gonna fall, you not safe, go back' and Honey, let me tell you, I wanted to go back down the path, but that would mean, um literally going down the path and I figured going down would be worse than going up and plus I was already more than half the way to the next pit stop. I looked around and nobody, I mean nobody was falling. Not even the idiots that should have fell. You know the ones who had left the path to stand on the edge of the rocks and who were bouncing literally on the edge.

Well, it took me a second to convince myself to stand up, but I got back to standing on twos. I then told myself, outloud, "You can do this..You can overcome this...There is nothing to fear but fear itself." And then I took a step and another and another..and there were moments where I was a little shaky and moments where I had to stop and regather myself, but I was determined to finish what I had started. The more I talked to myself, the more I drowned out that little voice. And the more I drown it out, the less afraid I became. Sure, I was very uncomfortable being over 8,000 feet in the air on top of a big hole with no guard rails, but, I was no longer paralyzed by fear. There were even moments where I snuck a couple of peeps over the edge, and guess what?

I am Still Standing and still moving forward!

"Sometimes we have to experience brief uncomfortableness to free ourselves from a lifetime of fear and pain....pushing through and pushing forward and loving it."

~ Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)


  1. That is so wonderful! I love when people conquer their fears. Way to go!!!

  2. congratulations on conquering your fear of heights. i know about fears being imposed upon us. why do some mothers do that? for me it is the fear of heights, airplanes, the dark - damn near everything that would prevent me from experiencing some highs in life. lol

  3. @Ali Thanks only um a hundred to go! (i kid) but it felt good to be able to stop crawling on the ground and to stand up and walk again.
    @MKIA thanks, i don't know what it is..but i was very conscious and careful not to do it to my child..i wanted to make him come crawl on the ground with me, but I let him explore at his limits..funny thing is my mother made us afraid of the water saying we would drown..and i was on the swim team and every time i would get to the deep end I would panic cuz I would hear her say I was gonna drown.