Friday, August 6, 2010
Why Do Good Things Have To Come To An End
Life is funny...well at least my life. It seems as if every time I learn a lesson, my knowledge and skill sets are put to test, immediately. So just a couple of days ago, I learned and lived the lesson that there is nothing to fear, but fear itself and that sometimes I have to sit in uncomfortableness to free myself from bondage.
Well not even a week later, I am going to have to prove that I am okay with sitting in my own uncomfortableness and that I am really willing to push through it to get to the other side: freedom.
I don't know. Well, I do know, but I don't want to do what I know I have to do. I want him to continue holding and guiding me by the hand. I want him to continue to spoil me with unlimited access (not) and what I hope is genuine concern. I want to keep him in my life cuz he makes it okay for me to sleep without a nightlight. I want to keep him cuz it allows me to be lazy when I am tired of trying. I want to keep him cuz well secretly I love him. Not like a woman loves a man...well maybe.. but just like I love him...probably like how I love my ACE, cuz I know he gots my back.
And maybe that's it, I know that he has my back and well, I miss having someone close by that is really supportive of me that has nothing to gain. He doesn't really gain from me succeeding...actually, he would probably benefit more if I didn't. But nonetheless, it seems as if we have reached a crossroad where I can no longer lean on him as a crutch.
It's bittersweet. I won't lie. I want to find an excuse, any excuse to keep him near but, I know it is time for me to walk a little on my own. I don't like it...not one bit, but I know that I am stronger...I am better...I am ready for whatever..I just wasn't ready for this...but it's safe to say I wasn't ready for his introduction into my life either...such is life.
"Life isn't fair, sometimes it's down right cruel, but seeing how we are only get one life to live, it's better to roll with the punches than waste time complaining about how and when they coming."
~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do ( smooches)