Sunday, January 18, 2015
No Winners Here
Loving my borrowed boo for as long as I can, then what? There is no happily ever after and if his other side finds out, it would be devastating for all parties involved.
I wish her no ill-will and didn't set out to wreck or take nothing. I don't know much about she, more than he knows I know, but not much more. I don't know if they were happy....I don't know if they were sad... I don't know if they were having problems...I don't know and didn't want to know. All I knew was that I had been searching my entire life for someone to look at me like their day didn't began until they saw me. To have a connection so strong that they knew when something was wrong without me even speaking. To know a love that could make me forget all of the pain caused by those before him. To be comfortably awkward in my own skin.
I wanted to be loved the way I was currently loving on myself: free and unapologetic.
It wasn't a physical kind of love, it was more so an emotional kindred kind of love. He had my heart even before I knew it was gone. I was telling my PIC how this man I could grow old with and push him around in his wheelchair...I could build a future and not have a want or a care. So imagine my surprise when I swallowed the fear that had swelled up in my throat and asked him what this was all about from his end...was he having a mid-life crisis, was this something to do, was he looking to carve out notches, was he bored and feeling blue, what exactly was causing him to do the thing he was about to do....
His answer was raw and almost storybook perfect.. "I don't know, my heart's not working...well, it's working just not the way it's supposed to be working because everyday I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with you...I believe you are someone I could have built a future with, together."
Our souls are tied together but this isn't where either one of us belongs...it's time for us to dust ourselves off and return to our respective homes cuz the honeymoon is now over and yes, I am standing her trying to be a big girl about it, but Imma need more than these drawls....so broken-hearted.
"Some roads are better off not traveled at all." Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do ~ Smooches