Monday, September 20, 2010

I Think I Can....

But does that mean that I can?

I mean I can only control me and my choices...but what happens when things are out of my hand?

I don't know but lately I have been feeling like I don't know...I have moved from that place I used to hold on to, but I still haven't moved far enough...and YES, it is a freaking process, but still...what if when I get to where I am going and it's still not enough? What if I am still not free...then what?

What if I never am found by the one that is supposed to love me? What if God didn't pick anyone out for me? (It could happen) What if he's stuck in a loveless marriage? What if he dead? What if it's just not meant to be?

What if?

I have to ponder these's the only way realistically that I can stay balanced. Life ain't no fairytale and lawd knows mine ain't been filled with no crystair stair, rail, nail, spoon...And sometimes when you get to the top of a hill you realize that you either got more hills and mountains to go or that you are the last one to get there and the party's about to end.

I don't know what's gotten me in a funk...I went camping this past weekend and had a blast. But as I listened and watched, and watched and listened, I realized there are a lot of unhappy people in this world just trying to make it from hill to mountain and well, I don't want to be one of those people any more. I don't want to fake it til I make it, not with everything and especially not with love.

I want to love whole-heartedly and I want to be loved unconditionally. I want to be able to say, "Hey, what you did made me very unhappy," and not wonder if he gonna walk away, or worse is he gonna stay and stray. I want to live and not worry about the eggshells I am crushing..

I want, I want, I want....but does that mean it will be?

"What will be, will be whether I choose it to be or not."

~ Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)


  1. I think we all deserve the best. We all deserve what we WANT. I think no matter what we should keep on trying until we get it! Holla!

  2. hi sweetie!!! been gone for a minute but im back!! yay!
    this post is me all the way. i can understand exactly what your talking about but since i just went thorugh a painful ugly breakup i still believe in love and that when gods ready for me to have it it'll come..patience is a virtue thats way overlooked.

  3. I agree with Mrs TJ. Just keep on keeping on.