I have been jumping over hurdle after hurdle after hurdle, and well some of them I have had to just knock down and step over.
It is what it is at the end of the day. It doesn't really matter how I get over them as long as I GET OVER IT.
And I have gotten over a lot of things. Like Safeway or SupaD as he likes to be called. I finally realized that I was in love with the possibility of who he could be and not with who he was and once I came to terms with that he may never realize his full potential, I kicked him to the curb. We still chat it up but it ain't like it used to be. I see his mouth moving but I don't hear a thang.
I have made great leaps with loving myself. Luv is truly in love with Luv and I think it shows. I am taking better care of myself. I am eating better. No more 2 and 3 hot fudge brownie sundaes a day. I have started eating salads for lunch and fruits for breakfast, unless OTIS is coming then all bets are off, I am trying to eat up everything in my house and your house too. I am courting myself trying to see what they things are that I am attracted to and what things about me turn me off. Yup, getting myself tight for my Mr. Right. Cuz, my Mr. Right bet not be your Mr. Right cuz my sharing days are long gone.
I have managed a household of 3 with very limited funds and not stressed too much about it. I am learning to rely upon Jah and leave doubt on the wayside. It has been a very challenging walk for me. I have gotten caught up on this hurdle a time or two. I want to do things my way, but I am learning that if I want to prosper I gots to get out of my own way.
Chucky is finally recovering from his Sept 4th incident. And that in itself gives me reason to smile.
I have been identifying things that I want to improve in my life and/or change and the qualities I need in a mate.
I need to be more patient and open to having someone assist me. But just in case this never happens, I need a patient, understanding, long-suffering man. I need someone who can look through my hard outer core and see down to the pits of my soul and know without a doubt that I love him even if I can't show it. To know that I have been hurt on so many occasions that I activated every safety precaution available to me.
I need to learn to listen and trust that the one speaking will not try and sell me a wooden nickle. I don't mind riding shotgun if I know I have a skilled driver behind the wheel. I need someone who will not lead us into destruction . I need someone who will speak lovingly to me, even when I am being a butt.
I need to show emotion in the instance that I am feeling that emotion. I have to open the gate sometimes before my visitors stop stopping by. I have to relinquish some control and let nature take it's course. I need a man who also will let me know without a doubt that I am his everything.
I need to continue working on loving me to the fullest. The more I love myself the more space I open up for others to love me. The more I treat myself good, the more also will follow suit.
I still have some things I cannot get over. Not sure why. It's not too high. Not too low. It's really just right but for some reason I am intimidated by what this leap would mean and so I avoid it hoping it will just up and disappear. I know it won't but there is no harm and wishing.
"Lesson Learned are things we can chalk up to the game. They aren't there to make us feel bad about ourselves but rather to give us a tool to measure how much we have grown. Embrace them, they are apart of you."