Updates, Rants, Vents, Etc...

I am a star...

Yup, a Supastar. I had forgotten this...but now that it's back on my heart and in my mind, I am gonna hold on tight to it.

I have been moving and a shaking and a shaking and a moving AND crying. Yes, lawd, I have been crying and it feels good. It feels good to be able to release those toxins. Next big challenge is to cry in front of CQP...we shall see..

I have been successful with keeping up with my outward transformations. I am more comfortable now with applying makeup to this already gorgeous face. I still am however trying to figure out how to keep it from running down my face when I sweat. I am still not a huge fan of makeup but, I don't totally hate it any more. So I have made it my goal to apply some type of color to my face at least twice a week. I still have been accessorizing... as much as I can. My ears started to react to my earrings ~ see I am allergic to everything but solid gold but I can only afford chinastore gold...so I had been coating the earrings with clear polish which normally works, I guess it may be time to apply another coat.

I have been wearing my feet out despite all that chatter that my PIC has been keeping up. This is a huge accomplishment...and I can't wait until next summer. Them bad boys gonna have a fierce tan they gonna be out so much.

I am in the process of setting my schedule up for the upcoming school year. I have decided that I am really gonna focus to spend more face time with my child. I am really going to make sure he understands he is a priority in my life. I am also going to have to limit my time on my various social networks. It's getting out of hand for me. So, I will only FB and Tweet before 6:30 pm, after that it's a wrap. I will be busy with prepping dinners and doing homework and getting caught up on personal enrichment like personal study and reading, in between running from this practice to the next.

I have faced a lot of roadblocks and I know that I am so much better for facing them than stuffing them or avoiding them. I have changed so much. I know that I am not the same person I was when I started this blog and I know that I will definitely not be the same person when I finish.

I am setting the stage for my greatness. I am preparing myself for my King. I am enjoying my life and taking time out to smell the roses and enjoy sunsets. I am living!

"Sometimes the only thing you can do in life is to 'just keep swimming' and hope that when it's all said and done that even if you went 'over' when you were supposed to go 'through' that it all turned out A-okay in the end."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

In the eyes, ears and even in the crack of his behind if I have to!


And it ain't just because I don't trust people.

People may have good intentions but there is almost always a hidden agenda or bad motive behind it or mixed up in there some where. Trust me. Luv knows about these things.


So, I was going back and forth about whether I was going to blog about this ...but then something happened the other day to set me off and well, so here we are.


I don't do "therapy" any more because the Crime Victim's Unit does not pay any more for me to go but it still pays for Chucky. So CQP had told me from jump street not to worry about the money because if I still needed to see him after the money ran out that he would still see me that we would work something out because he believes in helping people ...blah blah blah. Yeah sounds good. Let's fast forward to the money well being dry... um, yeah he will still text me, and talk to me on the phone and see me, but I now gots to hear "you know I ain't being paid for this" or "I go over and beyond my call of duty for you" and GRANTED all of what is being said is true, but who cares. Who wants to hear that..you knew I was poor when you met me. So, unless I can pay his fee, I won't see him.


I have an aunt that used to be rich...not sure of what her financial status is now that she is UNEMPLOYED...lmbo, I know I shouldn't be happy but you know what they say, "humble yourself before God humbles you." So anywho, my aunt lives next to R. Kelly. She has this phat house that um well let's see, only she lives in. But, if you ever in town and call months in advance to see if it's okay to stay with her, you will have your pick of the 5 guest rooms. Well, my aunt used to give me expensive gifts until I sent her a 10 page front and back letter the day I graduated from high school. Yes, even as a teenager, I was long-winded. But it wasn't the fact that she used to give me gifts, it was the fact that you had to thank her for these gifts every time you saw her or talked to her. When she came over she used inspect the things she had given me and my siblings, to see how well we were taking care of our things. Any time she would ask you to do something, she would rattle off everything she had ever done or given you...and be serious about it. And well, I don't know if you have picked up on this or not but:



I DO NOT JUMP JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY JUMP AND I SHO'LL AIN'T FEENA ASK HOW HIGH and you can take that to the bank.


I watched as my aunt used to buy my siblings, my cousins, my aunts and uncles and my mom. I'm sorry, my dignity wasn't for sell..not then and not now. So when my aunt told me that she would help with my college expenses if I x,y,z for her the next four years. I told her in a lot of words that she could kiss my black behind because unlike the other people in our family that she was buying, I was going somewhere and was going to get there with or without her.


When my father told me that he would help me get a car so I could get Chucky off the bus but that I would have to get this kinda car and call him at least once a week. I told him to take his money and shove it because if I had to walk until my feet fell off, that is what I was going to do before I have someone in another state dictate who I was going to call and what I was going to drive.


And now I have my other aunt trying to say that because she has watched Chucky a time or two that I need to go get her granddaughter and take her places with me. You say what? Lawd, father, please be with me because the one that will suffer in this situation is my funny looking cousin and not her my aunt, her grandmother.


People that know me, know that I will not ask for anything unless I absolutely without a doubt need it. That I definitely ain't running around trying to ask peeps to watch Chucky or C'sB. This year is probably the most I have been away from my child since he has been born. But he is about to be 7 going on 75..he pretty much watches himself.


Now I don't have a problem with saying thank you. I have been sending "surprise" thank yous this past month to peeps in my life that have really held me down. I sent my ICE a fruit basket with no return address or name attached to the card. You know how he figured out it was me? He said, "You are the only person I know that will give a gift and don't want to be thanked for it..everyone else wants you to know it was from them." I also don't mind getting peeps kids that get mine. Ask my Jill Scott. Cuz I can't take Fric anywhere without Frac. You just ain't gonna throw it in my face, especially when you ORIGINALLY supposedly did it because you wanted to help me out.


Yeah, never been a big fan of those TROJAN horses.


"Everything that glitters ain't gold and everything that says 'free' ain't free. Granted, we sell off a piece of ourselves everyday...but how many of us are willing to sell our souls for wooden nickels? Remember, the best gift is one that you forget that you gave."

~ Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Vents, Frustrations, Updates, the Works

So basically that means that this will possibly be a long post. But I have been m.i.a. for a sec so I owe it to myself to try and get it all out.

I am going loco! KooKoo for cocoa puffs. I am tapping out. I am tired.

Everyday it's something with this child of mine. Every freaking day. And I just want to say, "You killing me Petey, you killing me." (in my Denzel voice, not that I have a Denzel voice cuz I don't sound like a man, but if I did, it would be in his voice)

I mean it's like the devil has honed in on all of my pet peeves and things that irk me and get under my skin and just delivered them in one super sonic snowball. I am like 'lawd, lawd, lawd have mercy' over here so much that Chucky's Bride can be caught saying the same thing when she playing with her dolls.

So for months now I have been dealing with ringworms. Have I ever mentioned how much I despise fungal infections? How they creep me out? How they make my skin crawl? How I have like an OCD cleaning habit when it comes to the bathroom and kitchen because I am such a germaphobe? So both Chucky and the Bride have ringworm. Chucky got it from his barber some months ago and the medicine is just not working...or maybe it's not working fast enough. And some kinda way CBride got it. Honestly, I think Chucky gave it to her on purpose...or maybe she got it from being at that ol' lady's house. I don't know. I know the doctor told me that once you on meds it's not supposed to be contagious but I am not so sure because Chucky's keeps flaring up like brand new. Anywho, all I know is I don't want it so I am over here screaming on these kids when they touch something that I have to lie on or put on my body. I mean these kids are nasty. I wasn't a nasty child. I was very germ conscious growing up. I mean the other day CBride gets out of her bed and comes to me talking bout, "here Ma-Ma, here, take this," and I am like take what, then I look down and this child has a gigantic booger on her finger, I could have hit the floor. So, I'm like, "what is that, a booger?" and she like, "yeah, take it." Now I don't know what here mommy and her grandma used to do, but I don't take nobody's boogers! I told her that she betta get her and her booger back to bed and that I bet not find it on nothing that belongs to me. Sheesh.

Then there is the bug issue. I hate bugs, especially roaches. I DESPISE roaches. I have never had to live with roaches and refuse to do so now. Typically, our building does not have bugs. But we have new tenants and well you know those jokers like to travel. And normally, I know that if they gonna spray our building that I am going to see 1 or 2 because they won't spray my unit because of the kids. So I just put down some roach gel and that's the end of it. Well, I happened to get some low-end, ghetto, 'i have been hit with every poison imaginable and i am still here' roach in my place and it is driving me crazy. I have gel-ed and bleached down my house and I still see a roach here and there and it's driving me bonkers. I don't do roaches. I break out in hives when I see them, been this way since I was little. I don't want to bomb. I have never had to bomb. But I am about to set about 12 of those jokers off up in here. I just need to find a place for the kids to stay.

So my child's teacher has confirmed my fears that my child is not on target to pass to the next grade. Not because he doesn't know the work but because he won't do the work. What am I to do? I mean before his little world was altered, he was a stellar student. I never had to threaten him to get his homework done..but now, I am at the point where I just send him to bed to save his life.

I started a new job! And I like it. It's stress free so far. But I have to figure out what to do about my old job. I need to get out of my funk. I keep trying but it seems like I keep sliding right on back down the hill. I have been eating healthier. It's funny because it wasn't really a conscious decision. It's that both of the kids are on these peculiar diets that it's just easier for us to all eat basically the same thing. So pork and beef has almost totally been eliminated from our diets. Now if I go over someone's house and they have some beef shortribs, yeah I am gonna handle them accordingly, but, I will not be buying any more pork and beef. I have also been doing a lot more fresh fruits, which are very expensive.

Okay so I have a confession to make, I have a slight crush on CQP. Just big enough to make Safeway jealous. It's not one of those, 'oooh, I want to show you my pole action and hump you all night types of crushes.' It's basically one of those 'aww, you are so cute cause you so green and hopeful, here's a lollipop' type of crush.

My bornday is coming. My bornday is coming! and I am not prepared. I am not on target. I need a couple of days to myself so I can finish cleaning, organizing, sorting, prepping, and sleeping. But as always, I am just gonna roll with the punches.

Even though I am not on target to where I wanted to be at this point, I have changed. I have grown. I have matured. I have opened. I am blooming.

"With growth there is pain, frustration, disappointment, tears, fears, and sometimes even failure; however, it never fails that when you stop anticipating the growth, and stop tinkering with the soil, and just let nature take its course, new life almost always starts to sprout, and before you know it, the seed has blossomed into a beautiful flower."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)