From Crack to Quack ~ Happy Anniversary!

So one year ago yesterday, my world changed as I knew it. The last piece of innocence I held on to was taken right from under me. I look back on this year and I have to marvel at my strength. I was taken through the ringer and left on the side of the road to dry. It seemed like I dealt with a different crisis every week. From neverending ringworm to behavior decompensation. I saw it all. I felt it. I went through it. I survived it.

My faith was tested and in the midst of the fire, it grew.

My child is still not 100%. I am still dealing with a lot of the issues that stemmed from his ordeal. However, there are some things that are changing. His demeanor has changed somewhat. He doesn't look so aggressive or so on the defensive when I pick him up after school. It's like he knows he is safe at his new school and that brings me a measure of peace cuz I fight lil kids,even multi-racial ones.

Today is doubly special: It's my 6 month creamy crack free anniversary and my 1 year issues that I can't stuff and gots to pay someone to help me anniversary!

So it has been a year since I picked up the phone and called CQP and honey, I should have followed my 1st mind and kept it moving. It was something about him that told me he would be a hot mess, which is why I didn't call him back. He called me back and asked if I was still interested in him seeing me and my son. I should have told him h e double L NO! But had I done that I probably would still be stressed the heck out and still stuffing any and everything that I came across instead of dealing with it.

He has helped me help myself by being so annoying. I mean all his prying questions. His bad attitude. Sarcasm. His genuineness. All of these things gave me the push I needed to get up, dust myself off, lick my wounds and keep it moving. I wanted to plow down doors just so I didn't have to hear his bootleg analyzing of what my issues were. There were/are a lot of people who felt we were too close and well that could be true but even the fact that I would let someone get so close to me that others would comment is a testament of how much I have changed.

He was the right person for the job, bootleg and all.


I have been natural for 6 months and I can't believe it. I used to have to get a touch up every 4.5 weeks. I laugh every time I think about how "nappy" my hair was with a perm.. Look at me now, these waves will make you love me...no really.

I have grown so much with my hair. I still hate wet hair, but I see the world differently. I feel as spunky as each curl. I know that some days will be straight, uneventful, and others will be non-stop action with twist and turns every which way, and still some will start off uneventful and wind up being all over the place, and finally, some will just be rough around the edges because it be's that way sometime....kinda like my life : )

So enjoy the pics of me and my growth:

"Resilience is something that keeps me coming back for more...(yup a sucka for punishment) Endurance is something that keeps me staying the course (too headstrong to quit) and LUV is something that keeps me from killing those that have made my journey unpleasant at times (I secretly love my freedom)."

~Gotta Luv moi, I surely Do (smooches)

Just got it chopped off




Day 2 oooh look at them naps lol




2 months of growth
















It's official, I bes that attorney...told yah I looked fly



Look at all that hair...

And the Cupcake AWARD Goes to....

ME!!!! Yay me...I am a winner. Take that devil, see you can't stop me...I am gonna continue to shine. Now watch me walk it out, walk it out, walk it out... okay, maybe I am going to just stick to the Cupid Shuffle but, know I am looking flyy! I was given this lovely, much appreciated award by Chic Mama, please check my overseas sistah out, she going through it, but her wit and that chocolate is keeping her head above waters.

So I am supposed to list 10 things that make me happy and pass the Award on...so here it goes..



What Makes Love Happy:

10. Happy people
9. Hot Cocoa with marshmellows
8. Good Music...something about a real song, with a real beat with some real lyrics that will put a smile on my face... for the sake of the musically challenged... "crank that" ain't good music
7. Hot Fudge Brownie Sundaes with extra fudge and nuts... (don't hate me...gotta fed the fat girl inside or she will strangle me)
6. Seeing my child sleep with a smile on his face
5. Witnessing unconditional love...it's something about that love thang between a man and a woman
4. Good sex... bump what you heard all sex ain't good and ain't worth talking about..even though I ain't partaking at the present moment... them memories still put a smile on this here girl's face
3. Good food.. lawd not only will it make me smile but it'll make me tap out a tune with my feet as well. and baking...
2. watching the looks on my haters' faces when they see that I may have been down but I wasn't out.
1. God, cuz he is so so so so awesome


And the Cupcake Award Now goes to:

Lovebabez
Chele
Giving More, Taking Less
These Words I Type
QueenBee

sorry can't link them..computer acting crazy

You Are Appreciated ~ My Blessing in Disguise

I don't think I will ever be able to express to you how much I appreciate you...



I don't think all of my walls will ever be down long enough.



I mean I am truly a different person than the one that called you on the phone while you were at the airport...than the one that you texted days later trying to see if I had changed my mind about meeting you.


They say first impressions are lasting impressions AND I have been trying to erase the visual I left that afternoon.


I was so bitter, so confused, so angry, so hurt, so over it all.


I looked through you and dismissed you. I wrote you off without even giving you a chance to prove that you weren't as flaky and bland as the gray shirt you were sporting. Everything about you seemed syrupy and superficial. I mean if your representative appeared a little shady, I could just imagine what the real deal holyfield was like.


I chalked it up as something I would do, until I had figured out how to work pass, through, suppress the present pain. I prayed often for an answer of how I was going to go forward...how I was going to pick myself up and dust myself off after this bull toss. How was I going to go on...better yet, should I go on?

I was tired of going through the motions. I was tired of saying one thing and people hearing another. I was tired of trying, only to come up short. I was tired of watching other people living and being happy and me, surviving and being frustrated.

I prayed and you would call. I prayed and you would text.


You frustrated me because you thought you knew me and what I needed....

You irritated me because you didn't know me but you could almost see me.....

You challenged me with your super, passive aggressive way about things.


You tried your best to let me know that it was okay for me to be me, but you never understood that being the me that I was at that moment in time was too painful for me to be. It was too painful knowing that once again I was left to pick up the pieces of my heart. Left to make sense out of madness that would never ever really make sense. Left to decide whether it would ever be worth trusting and loving another person again. You asked me to trust you. You asked me to let you in.


How is it that you are able to lift me up even when I am not down? How is it that you care about things that shouldn't be a care of yours?


I have a timetable even though I know time is not mine. I have be searching and praying and praying and searching...looking for an answer that had been disguised only because I refused to see it.

So I thank you for attempting to care for me even though I am fully capable of caring for myself. You are appreciated (in my Tupac voice) and I do value your opinions (even though 90% of them are whack) and I do listen (even when I am being defensive) and I am learning to make application.

I just don't want to become too attached because letting go is harder than letting someone in...


"Blessings come in all shapes and sizes. You never know who or what God is going to use to bestow your next blessing on you. That's why it's important to treat each person and each occasion as if it's a gift from God...until proven otherwise."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)