Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

In the eyes, ears and even in the crack of his behind if I have to!


And it ain't just because I don't trust people.

People may have good intentions but there is almost always a hidden agenda or bad motive behind it or mixed up in there some where. Trust me. Luv knows about these things.


So, I was going back and forth about whether I was going to blog about this ...but then something happened the other day to set me off and well, so here we are.


I don't do "therapy" any more because the Crime Victim's Unit does not pay any more for me to go but it still pays for Chucky. So CQP had told me from jump street not to worry about the money because if I still needed to see him after the money ran out that he would still see me that we would work something out because he believes in helping people ...blah blah blah. Yeah sounds good. Let's fast forward to the money well being dry... um, yeah he will still text me, and talk to me on the phone and see me, but I now gots to hear "you know I ain't being paid for this" or "I go over and beyond my call of duty for you" and GRANTED all of what is being said is true, but who cares. Who wants to hear that..you knew I was poor when you met me. So, unless I can pay his fee, I won't see him.


I have an aunt that used to be rich...not sure of what her financial status is now that she is UNEMPLOYED...lmbo, I know I shouldn't be happy but you know what they say, "humble yourself before God humbles you." So anywho, my aunt lives next to R. Kelly. She has this phat house that um well let's see, only she lives in. But, if you ever in town and call months in advance to see if it's okay to stay with her, you will have your pick of the 5 guest rooms. Well, my aunt used to give me expensive gifts until I sent her a 10 page front and back letter the day I graduated from high school. Yes, even as a teenager, I was long-winded. But it wasn't the fact that she used to give me gifts, it was the fact that you had to thank her for these gifts every time you saw her or talked to her. When she came over she used inspect the things she had given me and my siblings, to see how well we were taking care of our things. Any time she would ask you to do something, she would rattle off everything she had ever done or given you...and be serious about it. And well, I don't know if you have picked up on this or not but:



I DO NOT JUMP JUST BECAUSE YOU SAY JUMP AND I SHO'LL AIN'T FEENA ASK HOW HIGH and you can take that to the bank.


I watched as my aunt used to buy my siblings, my cousins, my aunts and uncles and my mom. I'm sorry, my dignity wasn't for sell..not then and not now. So when my aunt told me that she would help with my college expenses if I x,y,z for her the next four years. I told her in a lot of words that she could kiss my black behind because unlike the other people in our family that she was buying, I was going somewhere and was going to get there with or without her.


When my father told me that he would help me get a car so I could get Chucky off the bus but that I would have to get this kinda car and call him at least once a week. I told him to take his money and shove it because if I had to walk until my feet fell off, that is what I was going to do before I have someone in another state dictate who I was going to call and what I was going to drive.


And now I have my other aunt trying to say that because she has watched Chucky a time or two that I need to go get her granddaughter and take her places with me. You say what? Lawd, father, please be with me because the one that will suffer in this situation is my funny looking cousin and not her my aunt, her grandmother.


People that know me, know that I will not ask for anything unless I absolutely without a doubt need it. That I definitely ain't running around trying to ask peeps to watch Chucky or C'sB. This year is probably the most I have been away from my child since he has been born. But he is about to be 7 going on 75..he pretty much watches himself.


Now I don't have a problem with saying thank you. I have been sending "surprise" thank yous this past month to peeps in my life that have really held me down. I sent my ICE a fruit basket with no return address or name attached to the card. You know how he figured out it was me? He said, "You are the only person I know that will give a gift and don't want to be thanked for it..everyone else wants you to know it was from them." I also don't mind getting peeps kids that get mine. Ask my Jill Scott. Cuz I can't take Fric anywhere without Frac. You just ain't gonna throw it in my face, especially when you ORIGINALLY supposedly did it because you wanted to help me out.


Yeah, never been a big fan of those TROJAN horses.


"Everything that glitters ain't gold and everything that says 'free' ain't free. Granted, we sell off a piece of ourselves everyday...but how many of us are willing to sell our souls for wooden nickels? Remember, the best gift is one that you forget that you gave."

~ Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Ninjas Please Go Sit Yourself Down Somewhere

Anywhere but here! Sheesh.


Yes, Ninjette I had your man and he had a baby on you with me, but that's water under the bridge...or it should be cuz I don't want his tired, smelly, broke behind any more. Haven't for a very long time. I think dealing with him for 5 years was long enough for me to realize that I didn't want to spend a lifetime with him let alone another day, hour, or second. Which is why when he told me that he told you that he wanted to leave you for me, I told that Bama that come hell or high water, he bets to make you understand that he was just playing!

You can keep your Dirty man and his cooties!

Now look here Missy, I don't know what that DoubleDeadBeat over there telling you but let me tell you this right here: Please get it twisted and put your hand on my child and you and your can of corn will get dealt with. Who walks around with can goods in their bag just in case they get into a fight? Who does that? Yeah, peeps like you two, who old as the apostles and never grow up.

When I put it all in perspective and measure the amount of crap I have had to deal with in my life, I am astounded at how much drama your man and his family has brought into it. The stuff that I have had to reckon with I thought only happened in movies or on the Maury show. Mybajeezes.

Yeah, your man is also someone else's man, but believe me when I tell you it ain't me. I ain't wanted that Ninja since the day I told him, 4 yrs ago, to get to stepping. To be honest, I didn't want his behind when I had him. But, I loved the attention because I was lonely and going through some things. Trust and believe had I been in my right mind, he would have never gotten to smell my stuff let along stick it. Believe that.


Some mistakes will haunt you like a bad plate of the porky pork. I mean I got with this man literally months after I had lost the twins. Before the rape, I had had 3 sexual partners. After the rape and leading up to the time I hooked up with Dirty I know I had at least 3 more sexual partners (scared to actually calculate the actual number) and had men lining up to get a taste. So me getting with Dirty, even though initially I wasn't feeling him, mainly because one he was married and sleeping with like 3 other people and because he wasn't my type, saved me in a sense. It made me pump my breaks because I was spiraling out of control.

I tolerated him. Even after he stole from me. I tolerated him. Even after all of the lies. I tolerated him. Even after he double crossed me. I tolerate him. Even though he does not contribute to my child's well-being. I tolerate him. Because my child loves him, even though he thinks he is his "grandpa". I tolerate him. Even though he fills my child's head up with lies and make plans that he does not intend to execute. I tolerate him. Even though he ain't worth the sperm his daddy used to create him.


I must warn you, my tolerance is running thin. If you have a problem with me, have it with me. My child is here and he ain't going no where. If your man has a problem with dealing with your issues with the fact that my child is here and how he got here, that is for you and your man to work out. That Ninja should have thought about all that when we planned to have this baby. Yes, Ninjette I said planned. And had I known that he was allowing you to abuse his other kids to keep the peace with you, that blueprint would have been torched. Talking about he wanted to give me a baby to make me happy again, and I ain't seen happiness since.


So, I am telling you Ninjas and the Devil to go sit yall raggedy tails down. I ain't got time for yall smallness. My child and I got places to see and things to do and when we are done doing us, I am 99.9% sure you will still be doing the same thing: NOTHING

Kick Rocks Ninjas, you are and always will be, the weakest, whackest, brokest link.

"Roadblocks come in all shapes, sizes and forms. They are designed to distract you from your ultimate goal. Learn to recognize and understand that small minded people a.k.a. haters never want to see you happy, never want to see you get ahead, even if you been down and out for a long while. The hater circuit is just like the groupie circuit, word gets around when you about to make big moves. And yes, it ain't nothing but the Devil. Now that you know, regroup, adjust and keep it moving!"

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)

Sistah Space

Is it me, or do we need a resolution when it comes to sistah's getting along with sistahs? I mean geez, is there a reason your face becomes so tight and twisted anytime someone you don't know or can't intimidate walk in the room?

Get it together....i mean do you need a hug? to blog so maybe you can deal with them issues you gots going on inside of you? Just because you a lightbright doesn't mean that you are the hottest or gonna to be the hottest thing walking..


and that, I gots to pray on it mess, um yeah, what you need to pray on is that you don't run into the wrong one or the right one who's having a bad day cuz they bound to bust you in the head til the white meat show, then again, that's just me.

just listening to these fools talk just made me say "thank you God for not making me a hater, I mean I am a lot of things but a hater ain't one." i don't have a problem going up telling a sistah that her hair is rocking, or her clothes are cute, and that her shoes are BANGING!!!! um, i am not going to go up to a sistah and tell her she gorgeous BUT i am also not going to be up in the corner rolling my eyes and sucking my teeth at her either saying "look at her, she thinks she is so cute."

So, on this journey of self-love, Imma have to shout out some of the wonderful, beautiful, dynamic sistahs that leave their footprints on my heart and perhaps even my soul.

"So if nobody has told you that you are beautiful and wonderful today, know that I think you are, and you are loved!!!!!"

*Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Sure Do*