Updates, Rants, Vents, Etc...

I am a star...

Yup, a Supastar. I had forgotten this...but now that it's back on my heart and in my mind, I am gonna hold on tight to it.

I have been moving and a shaking and a shaking and a moving AND crying. Yes, lawd, I have been crying and it feels good. It feels good to be able to release those toxins. Next big challenge is to cry in front of CQP...we shall see..

I have been successful with keeping up with my outward transformations. I am more comfortable now with applying makeup to this already gorgeous face. I still am however trying to figure out how to keep it from running down my face when I sweat. I am still not a huge fan of makeup but, I don't totally hate it any more. So I have made it my goal to apply some type of color to my face at least twice a week. I still have been accessorizing... as much as I can. My ears started to react to my earrings ~ see I am allergic to everything but solid gold but I can only afford chinastore gold...so I had been coating the earrings with clear polish which normally works, I guess it may be time to apply another coat.

I have been wearing my feet out despite all that chatter that my PIC has been keeping up. This is a huge accomplishment...and I can't wait until next summer. Them bad boys gonna have a fierce tan they gonna be out so much.

I am in the process of setting my schedule up for the upcoming school year. I have decided that I am really gonna focus to spend more face time with my child. I am really going to make sure he understands he is a priority in my life. I am also going to have to limit my time on my various social networks. It's getting out of hand for me. So, I will only FB and Tweet before 6:30 pm, after that it's a wrap. I will be busy with prepping dinners and doing homework and getting caught up on personal enrichment like personal study and reading, in between running from this practice to the next.

I have faced a lot of roadblocks and I know that I am so much better for facing them than stuffing them or avoiding them. I have changed so much. I know that I am not the same person I was when I started this blog and I know that I will definitely not be the same person when I finish.

I am setting the stage for my greatness. I am preparing myself for my King. I am enjoying my life and taking time out to smell the roses and enjoy sunsets. I am living!

"Sometimes the only thing you can do in life is to 'just keep swimming' and hope that when it's all said and done that even if you went 'over' when you were supposed to go 'through' that it all turned out A-okay in the end."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Why Do Good Things Have To Come To An End

Life is funny...well at least my life. It seems as if every time I learn a lesson, my knowledge and skill sets are put to test, immediately. So just a couple of days ago, I learned and lived the lesson that there is nothing to fear, but fear itself and that sometimes I have to sit in uncomfortableness to free myself from bondage.

Well not even a week later, I am going to have to prove that I am okay with sitting in my own uncomfortableness and that I am really willing to push through it to get to the other side: freedom.

I don't know. Well, I do know, but I don't want to do what I know I have to do. I want him to continue holding and guiding me by the hand. I want him to continue to spoil me with unlimited access (not) and what I hope is genuine concern. I want to keep him in my life cuz he makes it okay for me to sleep without a nightlight. I want to keep him cuz it allows me to be lazy when I am tired of trying. I want to keep him cuz well secretly I love him. Not like a woman loves a man...well maybe.. but just like I love him...probably like how I love my ACE, cuz I know he gots my back.

And maybe that's it, I know that he has my back and well, I miss having someone close by that is really supportive of me that has nothing to gain. He doesn't really gain from me succeeding...actually, he would probably benefit more if I didn't. But nonetheless, it seems as if we have reached a crossroad where I can no longer lean on him as a crutch.

It's bittersweet. I won't lie. I want to find an excuse, any excuse to keep him near but, I know it is time for me to walk a little on my own. I don't like it...not one bit, but I know that I am stronger...I am better...I am ready for whatever..I just wasn't ready for this...but it's safe to say I wasn't ready for his introduction into my life either...such is life.

"Life isn't fair, sometimes it's down right cruel, but seeing how we are only get one life to live, it's better to roll with the punches than waste time complaining about how and when they coming."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do ( smooches)

Easing On Down To What?

So I am off to see the Wiz, but don't know exactly what I shall ask him for....

Should I ask for a heart seeing how badly broken the one I have is....

Should I ask him for courage seeing how I am the Queen of a lot, but when it's time to put it on display, I retreat due to fear.

Should I ask for help in finding my home, since home is ultimately where the heart is....

I don't need to ask for a brain because I already know I have one of those even though I don't always use it.

Which one of these things is going to make it easier for me to keep easing on down the road to being the new and improved me...the truly improved, not just the same model with a different hairdo.

The thing that seems to come up all the time that I really need to work on is my lack of having a middle medium. But I don't know if that is a heart, courage, or home issue.

I know I need to address the home issue because I need to know where I am ultimately trying to get too. What is it that I want out of life? I mean really want...

See for me, once I see the picture clearly, everything else falls into place and right now, no matter how many times I wipe my eyes and defrost the windshield, the view in front of me is still blurry.

Now don't get me wrong, some things are definitely falling into place and I see what I need to do with them but those things are just small pieces of the puzzle. It's like having all of the end pieces in place but not knowing which piece you should grab next because you never saw the box the puzzle came out of.

I am making strides, but it's like I am still in Munchkin land and they still "welcoming me" and Glenda ain't looking like she gonna show up any time soon.

I see the road, I have touched the road and even stood on the road BUT for some strange reason, I am not quite ready to begin easing on down that road....

I gots some more soul-searching to do...maybe after I hop around the blog-o-sphere I will read something that will shed a light on what that reason may be.

"Iron sharpens iron, an interchange of thoughts and ideas is good for the soul."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (smooches)