Knocking on Death's door

i have been a knocking for some time now, it would seem unbeknownst to me so many questions, so few answers so it would seem that this here blog, this hear practice of learning to love Luv was actually my body's scream for help to save me i am dying of a broken heart, amongst other things when you have loved as i have loved and had the very essence of your being ripped away ....well it's easy to kind of give up and give way time isn't on my side, racing against the clock trying to gain valuable seconds indifference isn't going to get me there, but i can't seem to muster up the ump to get me there, or anywhere for that matter i am not afraid of dying, it's a naturally unnatural process that i have mentally prepared for a long time ago. but there are some things i would like to do over, do again, correct, do better....etc. there's so much running through my mind and on my heart and i don't really want to share it with anyone. i just want to be one with me to kinda process this mess, to get a master plan to beat this mess i don't want to die and my heart doesnt want to fight...whats girl to do?