Can't Give What I Never Had...

..... or can I?

So, I went to see a man about a horse and he tried to sell me a heafa instead.

Smh...well at least that is how I felt when I went to see the Quack...(still can't remember what I changed his name to, think I am gonna call him MM) Now he told me he was going to give me a list, no strings attached, then I get there and he tells me he has two lists for me, lucky me (yay-- not) and then I walk away with one half-butt list-definitely wasn't a winning day for me.

But the more I got to thinking about it, the more I realized that MM gives me what I give him-FLUFF. Not sure if it's by design or coincidence. Mine, it's just the nature of the beast. Him, he really be trying. So his assignment was the following: " give me a list of things I need to work on so my HIM can hurry up and find me, I need my permanent babysitter...please and thanks" But when I get there he is asking me about my list and what I think I have left to tackle... now 1st off, ain't nobody never tell slim I had a list of my own, if I had a list, I wouldn't need his list, now would I? But for the sake of getting to his list I toss him some stuff that sound like he will swallow:

not holding grudges

letting go of things

violence/anger management

and then it's his go...he put his titles up there and I am really hoping he breezes past his list for me to his list for what my HIM needs to look like cuz I am tired of striking out. I ain't one for dating and wasting time, clocks a ticking and not just the babymaking one.

MM's list for me: setting expectations, getting past people, places and events, getting rid of polar thinking, and becoming emotionally available (whatever)

Then he proceeds to tell me that he isn't going to give me the second list, that he has changed his mind because he doesn't want me to get distracted from the real list (what in the samhill...who does he think he is, a real therapist?!) So needless to say, I am hot and in my feelings so I do what I do best ~ shut down...all the way down because essentially wasted some more time, time that I do not have.

*********so I finished this post and something happened when I went to post..it

didn't post and though I could retype everything else.. my soul isn't in that place any more...so I will post this and i will explore some other kinda*******