10 to Life

That's what I keep telling myself as I try to process what's going on in my life right now.

I will probably get ten years to life and well, I just really don't care.

I am trying to be rational but my violent mama side is like "Hell to the Naw, let's ride!"

And those that really know me, know that I will ride. And not only will I ride but I also will pull a trigger and do a 1-8-7 on a man, woman, child, old, young, big, little, fat, skinny, short, tall...I will cap them all when it comes to my child. That's the long and the short of it.

So, I have been walking around for the last couple of days stressed anyways due to my health. It's somethings going on there that gots me racing to get some things in order. (see previous blog where I talk about Gone too Soon, I think..too antsy to check right now) Then, I am only able to connect to the internet like 5 minutes a day and on most days of late, not at all. So, I am over here writing my blogs on paper trying to release all of the madness from my spirit so I can move forward with my LUV mission. (I got's some funny stuff to tell yall)

And now this. And well the rational side is only winning because I have yet to come face to face with the perp...I had a very good chance of squashing my rage by busting someone in the head on the day it happened but Jill Scott foiled my plans. Talking about she didn't have any bail money, hmph, I had tried to give the heafa a blank check.

So, my child was sexually assaulted at school the other day and all I want to do is make someone pay. I really don't care who it is. Blood is blood as far as I am concerned. And that's what I want, Blood. I want a life because my child should not have to go through what he is about to go through. He shouldn't have to go to therapy every week. He should not have to talk to all of these strangers. He should not have to register with Crime Victim's Unit...He should not have to be forced to be anything other than the bratty child he is. But he is so I am seeing red...boy oh, boy am I seeing red.

The doctor and the social worker at the hospital has advised me not to talk to him until my rage subsides...I am not sure if I can wait until next year to address this with him. I know I need to bend these knees and ask Jah to take this hatred and rage from me, BUT I don't want him to. I want to kill someone, and then I want to sit and do my time with a smile on my face. Sure, I really won't be able to blog there but, who knows, maybe they will give me my own newspaper column.

"It is a given that the Devil retires only for a little while after your initial defeat of him. You never know when, where, or how he will attack again...but know this, just as surely as the sun sets and rises, he will attack again. He's sorta like a hater, he can't stand to see you shine. This is why you gots to stay prayed up everyday cuz you never know when the Devil might catch you slipping. I pray that I will not allow the Devil to steal my newfound joy."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

so needless to say the wireless connection dropped just as i was trying to post this thank goodness for automatic save