Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Even in the Eye of the Storm....

I am grateful.

I have to be.  I have no other choice because how blessed am I to be me.  I am not the best person in the world, no not by far, but I shole ain't in a foot race tying for the worse.  I am in my own right, down right amazing and today on this day I am going to allow my amazingness to surround me and hold me and love me.

Today is National Premature, Preemie, Baby Came Too Soon Day.  (When I tell you that I am so sick of all these "national days"  I just want us to go back to national just a regular ole day)  But as many of you all know, I can definitely bring awareness to preemie day but I can't be all happy and joyful about it because my preemies didn't beat the odds.  My preemies bit the dust and left me here to pick up the pieces, which for over a decade I refused to couldn't do.  Such is life.

But today I stand here...well actually I am sitting, so I sit here and tell you that I am grateful for my babies and that experience because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am one tough cookie.  I am resilient.  I am able to perform under immense amount of pressure and even though I allowed the sting of the hot water situation to change me from coal into a pearl.  For that, I am grateful.

My son is slow.  Special needs.  He just doesn't get it like the others.  This frustrates me beyond words BUT my son LOVES JAH and he has a heart of gold.  He is able to see the good in those who are out to steal his soul.  He can forgive, even if he doesn't forget and he wants justice for all.  His love has no boundaries or limits based on color or religion.  He looks after the elderly and the young and tries his best to get it done.  It's not always perfect or close to being pretty but he tries his hardest and that's more than most men.  For that I am grateful.

The rain has been pouring for forty nights and forty days.  I have been out here fending, battling from the North, South, East to the West.  It seems as if when one thing gets better a gazillion things go wrong.  I know that my God is bigger than any storm.  I know that these lying men that come in his name, aren't true representatives of him even though they come bearing his name.  I am not sure how much more I can stomach of the lying and the games but I know that Jah didn't create me to be a "Yes ma'am" and to be blindly lead.  As frustrating as it is, I know that He did not leave me even when I fled.  For that I am grateful.

Sleepless nights turn into long drawn out mornings.  Deaths, disappointments, peace disturbed ~ all of these I have had my portions full.  I have been trying to write for days but couldn't find the words.  My head was on 10 trying to figure out when this onslaught would end.  But truth be told, this may just be my life and so I need to just figure out the best way to fend.  So glad to have been raise on the Southside, so glad to know how to win.  So glad to have laced up and been knocked out because it's time to rumble again. 

I know that I can take a punch.
I know that I can be knocked down and can get up again.
I know that I can stumble and want to give up, But
I know  the power that lies within

I am grateful for my insignificant life.  It isn't the best but it's a whole lot better than the worse.  I may not have a lot of things but I am so grateful for my ability to hope and try again.

"When you can see the blessings when it feels like you aren't receiving none, you demonstrate the true meaning of gratefulness."

Gotta Luv Moi , Cuz I Surely Do ~ Smooches

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