From Strip Tease to Butterball...

Yup, Butterball Naked.. cuz I'm so Juicy I can't stand myself...(lol)

So you asked a question...and well you've asked this question a time or two before...I'm starting to think you are on to me...either that or you don't like my answers...hmm, either way I am gonna answer this question for the last time.

That's right, I'm gonna stop flashing you and disrobe already.

I know it shouldn't matter...that you shouldn't matter...but it does and you do. Not really in the grand scheme of things but for right now...in this here moment...it's critical that I see things as they are and not as they should I want them to be.

I know that my perception has been tainted and my heart has been harden. I know the spectacles I peer out of have been smudged by the filth I have encounter throughout my short life. I know that my experience is not common nor is it extraordinary. I know that I am like a faucet: hot and cold....but with the right mixture I can be warm. I can be balanced. I can find that middle ground that allows me to still love while being guarded enough to protect myself from those scumbags that are lurking, lying in wait, hoping, praying that I slip up...that I forget what dangers are out there waiting to devour me.

The problem with viewing the world through dirty glasses is that everything you look at becomes distorted...even you.

So when I looked in the mirror, a lot of what I saw wasn't really there shouldn't have been there. But because of where I had been, what I had been through, what I had seen, heard, felt...it was there...and it wasn't a pretty sight. It was hard to take in, so much so that I stopped looking. I covered mirrors, I avoided looking into anything that would show my reflection...it got to a point that I just walked with my head hung low or my eyes diverted downward...found a lot of loose change this way and also made friends with others in the same predicament.

The thing about hanging out with people who think and see things the way you do when you are down and out is this: advancement out of your rut is almost impossible. Everyone is just as disillusioned as you are.

So it matters because in my mind, you have on rosy colored glasses. You see things as half full (it really doesn't matter) and think every situation can potentially be a good situation. So, if you saw me the way that I initially saw myself then that would have been a devastating blow to my blueprint of advancement...to my growth...and yes, to my ego. (cuz I got a big ego)

If you thought I was ugly, worthless, a bad parent or unlovable I don't think I would have proceeded with my journey or tried as hard as I did to make great strides. I was counting on you to show me my true colors...to wipe away all the semi-permanent debris that had attached itself to my lens.

I was counting on you to tell me that my light was out and not only suggest that I turn it back on but for you to make me turn it to highbeams. (I shouldda did my background check in the beginning and not on the tail end...that would have saved me a whole lot of waiting and counting on)

So to put it plainly: I wanted to see the me that you saw because the visions stored in my head had to go, so what you thought, what you saw and what you said, mattered a great deal

"Birds of a feather flock together, just be careful that you aren't an eagle flying with pigeons."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

When It's All Said And Done

I want what you want...



Some days I want it more than you...



And other days, not so much.

I want to be free!


Free from it all...


It's a reason I always smile when I go to Chele's blog. It's something about her tattoo that instantly reminds me what this journey is all about. Yes, it's about love. About Luv finding the love that she needs I need to maintain a balanced outlook on life. But, it's about so much more.

It's about me turning back the hands of time, trying to correct some wrongs, trying to lick some wounds, and bury some bones once and for all.

It's about me releasing some things that I had been hanging on to like my life depended on me being able to whip out the fragments of my heart at a moment's notice to prove that it had been broken.

It's about me choosing to change my ways...not because someone else said that I should but because I had decided that it was time... because I had decided to look in the mirror, into the windows to my soul and see what was really there and not alter or change my perception to make the experience more comfortable for me, or for those around me.

It's about me coming to terms with my Past....Healing my Present...So that I can receive my Future.

It's about me stepping forward on faith and nothing else and knowing that when the last post has been posted for this here blog that I will know without looking back to previous posts that it had all been worth it.

It's about me redefining who I am based on who I want to be in the Present and not who I was destined to be in the Past.

It's about love. That sweet, sweet feeling that will have you all knotted up when you think that you have pushed it away for the very last time and will have you smiling from ear to ear when you realize that it's come back to you stronger than ever.

It's about me peering into the faces of those that have hurt me, wronged me, deserted me, hated me, hated on me, used me and me not feeling obligated to feel anything but peace and joy. And possibly a lil pity because they are missing out on a good thing. Nope, a great thing. I am the best me there is....NO ONE can do what I do with what I do it with on a daily basis... I marvel at God's favor in my life and I am so thankful that I have realized how much He has blessed me before I closed my eyes for the last time.

See, I used to focus on what I didn't have, what I couldn't afford, what I wanted to do instead of being content with what I did have, what I could afford and what I had done. I don't think I have made more than 20,000 in a year yet; nevertheless, I have visited over 15 countries and purchased my first piece of property before I turned 25.

It's about me being comfortable in my own skin regardless of how uncomfortable the current situation may be...it's about me never feeling I have to dim my light because it's outshining those around me. It's about me being proud of my accomplishments and of my success. It's about me realizing that I deserve every little bit of the pie that I get.

It's about me feeling so secure in what I am bringing to the table that I don't even let the knuckleheads that ain't worthy of my time or my dime get a whiff of what I'm cooking with. It's about me knowing that I deserve the house, the fence, the garage, and the stay-at-home dad (I mean somebody gots to watch them kids)

It's simply about me doing me and doing the things that bring me joy.

So, when it's all said and done, I will have experienced so many blissful days that I won't even be able to remember what a bad day looked like, let along felt like.

"The ability to be me no matter the second, minute, nor hour is oh so freeing ~my freedom"

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

3~ My Favorite Place

It's something about this place that just soothes my spirit and calms my soul... I love me some it..and it loves me

I was unstoppable, unmovable, unshakable.....

I was happy, confident, and determined

I soared freely in this CITY...

This City knows how to keep the fat girl living inside of me happy at all times.

This City kinda reminds me of me, it has two extremes: a bitter winter and a scorching summer


This City prepared me for greatness and it will always be my home

And they ain't never lied.....

CHITOWN HOMIES ARE THE CRAZIEST!!!!

"Sometimes holding on to the Past helps you remember that what once was, can be again..."

~ Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

2 ~Your Aspirations

I know it's probably weird that I chose to do this challenge backwards, but I wanted to go through the deep stuff first cuz I aspire to be emotionally full before 2011 sneaks in...

And for me that means tackling the hard, heavy, make you pause and ponder for a moment or two, situations head on.

I have a lot of things in the works. I am setting my stage for greatness, but before I can take my place at center stage, I must, I must, I must shake off these last couple of shackles that are holding me in bondage, depriving me of my total freedom.

I aspire to be totally open with myself at all times regardless of how it makes me feel. I aspire to process my emotions in a more healthy manner. I aspire to own a house big enough for me to hide from Chucky and CsB (if she still here). I aspire to launch an organization that will help eradicate some of the atrocities I see today. (haha, that said a lot and at the same time nothing). I aspire to become a better parent...even though I tell my child that I am the best, I am not. I have a lot of areas that need improvement, and well I am down (or is it up) for the challenge.

I aspire to be the love that I am searching for...

I aspire to swing through life like it's been handed to me on a silver platter even when my world has been turned upside down.

"The difference between aspiring and achieving is taking the next step...forward movement."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

1 ~ Allow Me 2 Introduce Myself

(yup I have finally found the challenge and decided to do it, but I am going to do it in reverse, only switching #1 with #30)



My name is LUV...it used to be Later4 LUV, but now that I am actively seeking love, I had to do a Common and drop the Later4.



I am transitioning, transforming, reinventing, tossing out, and making anew. I am defining who I am and what I am while silencing all the lil voices around me that are trying to deposit their two cents into my life without being asked.



I am really a lover...not a fighter, but I have had to fight all my life and in turn, bury my loving side. I am in the process of growing up that scared little girl that resides in me.


I am a writer a baker a cook a mother a sister a daughter an aunt I am the best friend a person could ask for I am a procrastinator I am a motivator I am an early bird I am a homebody I am a crier I am a hugger I am perfectly imperfect



I have been through a lot and that has shaped and defined my story, but now I am ready to start shaping and defining my own story.

"Circumstances and experiences are the results of choices, I made some poor choices which lead to some very unpleasant experiences and uncomfortable circumstances, my setbacks are the fuel that is launching this comeback ~choices"

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Updates, Rants, Vents, Etc...

I am a star...

Yup, a Supastar. I had forgotten this...but now that it's back on my heart and in my mind, I am gonna hold on tight to it.

I have been moving and a shaking and a shaking and a moving AND crying. Yes, lawd, I have been crying and it feels good. It feels good to be able to release those toxins. Next big challenge is to cry in front of CQP...we shall see..

I have been successful with keeping up with my outward transformations. I am more comfortable now with applying makeup to this already gorgeous face. I still am however trying to figure out how to keep it from running down my face when I sweat. I am still not a huge fan of makeup but, I don't totally hate it any more. So I have made it my goal to apply some type of color to my face at least twice a week. I still have been accessorizing... as much as I can. My ears started to react to my earrings ~ see I am allergic to everything but solid gold but I can only afford chinastore gold...so I had been coating the earrings with clear polish which normally works, I guess it may be time to apply another coat.

I have been wearing my feet out despite all that chatter that my PIC has been keeping up. This is a huge accomplishment...and I can't wait until next summer. Them bad boys gonna have a fierce tan they gonna be out so much.

I am in the process of setting my schedule up for the upcoming school year. I have decided that I am really gonna focus to spend more face time with my child. I am really going to make sure he understands he is a priority in my life. I am also going to have to limit my time on my various social networks. It's getting out of hand for me. So, I will only FB and Tweet before 6:30 pm, after that it's a wrap. I will be busy with prepping dinners and doing homework and getting caught up on personal enrichment like personal study and reading, in between running from this practice to the next.

I have faced a lot of roadblocks and I know that I am so much better for facing them than stuffing them or avoiding them. I have changed so much. I know that I am not the same person I was when I started this blog and I know that I will definitely not be the same person when I finish.

I am setting the stage for my greatness. I am preparing myself for my King. I am enjoying my life and taking time out to smell the roses and enjoy sunsets. I am living!

"Sometimes the only thing you can do in life is to 'just keep swimming' and hope that when it's all said and done that even if you went 'over' when you were supposed to go 'through' that it all turned out A-okay in the end."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)

Half-a-dozen In One

..... And 6 in the other

People are always going to see things differently. I can't control that...and well, I am not going to worry about it. I can't. This isn't about them, they can't walk in my shoes. They can't give me that time back. They can't heal me. They can't make me whole. And sadly, they may never understand where I am coming from, or where I need to go.

I want to be free....I shall be free!

So, I contacted the RAPIST. It's so releasing to say those words. And to say them to the person that caused me to hate all men, women, children, living and non-living things...what a rush. Not like walking around the rim of "that big hole," but a rush nonetheless.

I really had nothing prepared....had no expectations outside of that I didn't want to run. I didn't want to shy away from whatever I was feeling in the moment. I wanted to know, without having to question over and over years from now, that I was okay with this. That I wasn't selling myself a wooden nickel. I mean if I am going to do this journey and revisit all the hurts, pains, truths, etc, I might as well do it 110% or there is no reason for me to do it.

When I said I was sick and tired of being in this rut and finding myself back in the same valley with the same bitter, never-want-to-see-anyone-get-ahead people, I meant it. I am tired of being handed the same test and receiving the same grade. I am READY for the next course.


So it has taken me 10 years to get the validation that I needed to be at peace with myself...but I have it. It wasn't so much in the words he spoke, because that joker needs some help. He needs God's mercy. He needs to pray that I NEVER stop walking with God. But it was something about him admitting that he raped me...something about him saying the words that caused the dams to my soul to erupt.

I knew I had been raped. I knew I had said, 'no.' I knew that he had heard me. I knew that I didn't lead him on. I knew that I didn't deserve to be treated like that....but there was this twinge of doubt. This spot of uncertainty...because why would someone be so cruel to me when I had never done anything to them. So, maybe I had consented and not realized it...maybe I just felt guilty about giving in and wanted to ease my conscience...maybe...I don't know...but the fact that my mind wasn't buying into the madness let me know that there was no maybe nothing!

Listening to this fool pluck at straws and trying to turn the tables and have me made to be the culprit was...I don't know... Most of the time I didn't even have any feelings. I was so detached and so in awe and so stuck on the fact that all this time I had been stuck and afraid and doubtful and so not myself for someone and something that was so not worth avoiding for ten years. I mean here it was this joker was telling me AFTER I told him that I had hated myself instead of him for ten years for allowing him to rape me that he had been thinking about me, wondering what happened to us, and now he was hoping that we could work on being something.

PAUSE...yeah you read right.

This fool went on and on about how he had a right to redeem himself....to work things out... to make amends...to make things right...and that I owed it to OUR dead son to give him that chance. That I was brought back into his life for a reason and he was willing to do whatever he could right now in the present to make it right...to restore our relationship. And after I laughed at him, he switched it and said that I was wrong because I messed with his brother. I was wrong that I kept it from him that I was pregnant with his child. That I was wrong for rolling in his shop and playing his face in front of his boys and then playing his face on the street the next day. That I had him thinking all these years that he was crazy.

I am thinking that this ninja should know without a doubt that he is 10 shakes pass crazy if he thinks I owed him anything beside a bullet to his head...either one.

I may never ever get complete closure but what I got is enough to let this wound finally close and heal properly. I have taken that scab off for the last time...and the tears that flowed the moment I disconnected the call let me know that I am more than okay...I am like Johnny 5; I Am Alive! The fact that I wanted and acknowledged that I wanted to be comforted by the human touch...human voice and not by baking soda let me know that I am ready to trust and ready to let all sorts of people in. The fact that I could not get in touch with anyone and that I still didn't "take to the box," let's me know that I am ready to release myself from that addiction. The fact that I did not shy away from what I felt or mince my words or take on any of the exchange of energy he was trying to throw at me, let me know that this growth that everyone is seeing isn't a fad. The fact that I got up this morning after only 2 hours of sleep with a smile on my face and a pep in my step, let's me know that I am finally free of that valley and I am anxiously awaiting my ascent to the top of the mountain cuz I have truly found my wings with this long overdue dose of FREEDOM.


"Sometimes you have to stand in the fire in order to put it out, suffering minor injuries, while saving your life."

~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)