Some days I hate being a grown up even though when I was little, I couldn't wait to be one. Responsibility is soooo overrated. I was never allowed to be a child, even though I knew how to be in a child's place. The things that I experienced should not been mine to experience. I spent my entire childhood trying to escape into adulthood and I have spent most of my adult life trying to recapture the childhood I didn't have. A vicious non-fulfilling cycle.
Life is about choices, so they say. But sometimes our choices are made for us, never believe they are not. However, we still have a choice how we decide to respond to the choices that were made for us...so even when we believe we have no control, we really possess all of the control. So what am I getting at with all this mambojumbo rhetoric crap? Nothing really, then again everything going on in my life right now.
I did not choose to be sick. However, I have the power to choose how and when I fight this sickness. Folks who are privy to what is going on with me almost always exclaim how good I look. This is always funny to me because I can't for the life of me figure out how I am supposed to look seeing how they just found out that I was sick. But, I do get it. I don't look like tomorrow may be my last day. *shrugs* Like I told you before, my Nan told me that just because I was playing/living the part, I didn't have to look the part. So yes, I am sick, but I don't choose to walk around looking sick...at least not as long as I can help it.
It's funny how God will come in and humble us. I used to believe I couldn't let anything slide, ESPECIALLY when someone was trying to play my face. Now that I have this enlarged heart, I choose to let just about everything slide...UNLESS it's dealing with my child (I keep 911 on speed-dial for emergency heart malfunctions).
It's soooo many things about my life that I wanted to change but didn't quite know how to get from A to B but now I know all I have to do is choose to make the choices that will get me to my final destination in the most joy-filled manner possible.
"Change is about making the choices that will give you the desired results with the least amount of stress and the most fulfillment"