and well, I guess it's kinda like the squeaky door gets the oil... I get it, but I just don't like it!
It's not that I don't like asking for help. I don't like being disappointed. I don't like setting expectations only to have them not met...or maybe it's not even that they aren't met, maybe it's the fact that sometimes people don't even put forth effort to keep their end of the bargain.
I also don't trust people with my weaknesses...asking for help in my mind makes you vulnerable..you expose to people who have the potential of hurting you what you are lacking...and they can either choose to use that information for good, evil or not at all. And well most peeps today are in it to win it for themselves. Trust.
I set my expectations based on what I would do and how I would act, isn't that the Golden Rule? Well, most peeps aren't going to go the extra mile for you. I learned this lesson as a child. It only took one Saturday of waiting for someone to come pick me up and do what they promised they would do for me, someone that never showed AND never called, for me to learn that outside of God, I need only to depend on myself. At least then, I won't be disappointed because at the end of the day, I know what I am capable of.
Like this past weekend, I had an end of the school year and send off party for Chucky and Chucky's Bride. I had several peeps volunteer to help me transport the items to the event's location but when it was all said and done, all of the stuff was piled up into my lil car. Repacking my car to make everything fit, put me behind schedule, causing me to get to the party um, late and it also caused me to damage one of my cakes. And had I expected the people to actually come through for me, I would have been pissed. But, I always operate under the notion that when it's all said and done, I'm gonna have to do whatever it is that I am asking someone else to do , which is why I got up at 11pm and dropped Chucky and Chucky's Bride off at the hotel where my donor was staying. I knew I needed to make sure I had car space in the event someone couldn't help. (I stay with a backup plan to my backup plan)
I also asked someone to help me put the finishing touches on the cake and well after telling me how much they really didn't want to help because they didn't like dealing with cakes when they had no orders, um yeah I just made it do what it do...so when they got to the event and told me that my cake was damaged because I waited until the last minute to do it and that it only tasted "okay" and didn't have it's normal pow, I just shrugged and smiled. (I'm done giving the Devil my joy and I am done asking closet haters for help cuz it's funny how a cake that served 100 peoples was demolished by 30 #noneleft #nuffsaid)
Now, it would be easy for me to continue dwelling on all the negative occurrences that help reinforce that if I need to be fed, I bets to grow me a garden, but then that wouldn't be me doing something different or me lovin LUV... part of loving me, is allowing others to love, Luv, and the only way they gonna get a chance to love Luv is by Luv letting them in and letting them help Luv. (don't you love it when I talk in the 3rd person) And well, I made the mistake the other day and did just that. I opened up about how I was so disappointed with Chucky's school progression and how I had to bite the bullet and put him in a tutoring course for the summer only to be told that their stepmama was a teacher and a tutor and that she had the ability to provide the one-on-one I was looking for and blah blah blah some ole Lean On Me mess.......
"A close mouth doesn't get fed... Sure I can plant my own garden, but what does that help if it doesn't produce the fruits that I need to eat? No one can fill those of my needs that I don't let be known...I am done suffering in silence. Living, Learning, and Applying."
~Gotta Luv Moi, Cuz I Surely Do (Smooches)